The Elf Who Stared At The Sun Too Long

ATTENTION KYLA!

2008-03-30T04:06:00.001-07:00

READ THE POSTS OPEN IN YOUR FIREFOX WINDOW WHILST LISTENING TO THIS SONG THAT IS CURRENTLY LOOPING.

- CNOTE

DEAR BLOG

2008-03-30T04:01:00.001-07:00

Come t'me. I'm here to make peace. <3

Justin's back in the real world.

2008-03-07T16:13:00.001-08:00

Lake Jittering Zeitgeist Bizarre says:
I really don't understand how vaginas are good looking.
Lake Jittering Zeitgeist Bizarre says:
They have got to be the ugliest, beastliest things I have ever seen in my entire life.
Lake Jittering Zeitgeist Bizarre says:
Sabertooth tigers and lygers and fucking rabid unicorns look better then a fucking vagina does.
R-o-c-k-i-n-g says:
True.
R-o-c-k-i-n-g says:
But, I still get a boner when I see one.
R-o-c-k-i-n-g says:
Human nature sucks.
Lake Jittering Zeitgeist Bizarre says:
Totally.

2008-01-22T22:59:00.000-08:00

Black Dog [Gone] says:
That was quite the rapid-fire assault.
Lake says:
Yeah, shut up and read it.
Black Dog [Gone] says:
It's nice.
Lake says:
Fine.
Lake says:
-sigh-
Lake says:
What else is new?
Black Dog [Gone] says:
I'm trying to emulate Leonidas with my facial hair.
Lake says:
ROFL.
Black Dog [Gone] says:
XD

2008-01-21T23:57:00.000-08:00

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I'd grow up fast and parish quickly.

Mao.

2008-01-20T01:06:00.000-08:00

i dreamed i thanked scott ian for persistence of time
back when steve and eva died that album changed my life
it was a package of pure darkness tied up with a silver string
delivered by a fast train rearranging how i think
he said "i can't believe you even know that i exist,
i've got all of your albums and i think you are the best"
he started to cry and i started to laugh
i gave him a hug and he gave me his autograph

reeling in my disbelief, i know that it was just a dream
all the covers that i see are different from the books i read

everything is crumbling around me
why does everything cost so much money?
could somebody please help out my family?
my mom needs hearing aids, new shoulders, and new legs
my dad needs a break he works all day every day
my brother needs a place and a job where he can make
enough money to take care of his baby

here's a simple dissertation on a complex situation
money and intimidation and mass graves make strong foundations
for the giant corporations that own all the TV. stations
telling us to take vacations to their big theme park plantations
rather than to hearts of nations

where we might meet people on the street who say
"i don't want my mtv 'cause it brought viva to its knees"
and mom and pop are begging "please, globalization's killing me"
while we think that they think they need all of the things we think we need
like martha stewart shams and sheets and sugar free powdered iced tea
vanilla coke, lemon pepsi, friends episodes on dvd

i went to see the doctor of psychiatry
weapons of mass instruction finally broke me
he said "act your age, don't be afraid, take two of these.
now listen real hard, put down that guitar,
don't be a retard, be all that you can be"

the things he said i could be were laid out right in front of me
would i choose deep fried apathy, mcnuggets where my balls should be,
or super sized conformity? i walked away and i'm still me
free to go fucking crazy, free to know why i'm angry
one and one and one is three and you and me is all i need
singing songs, drawing cocks, picking locks to locked doors
find deflated hearts, and pump them up

The Elf Who Capped a Nigga Cuz He Got Heaty

2008-01-09T15:54:00.000-08:00

yeah, he did, and yeah, he was

2007-12-09T21:54:00.000-08:00

-*- what's a troups recipe for treacherous times? i tell 'em fast cars, danger, fire, and knives says:
feathers flying, tv laying crack to shit outside
Ted/meatspace says:
how very ogden nash-y
-*- what's a troups recipe for treacherous times? i tell 'em fast cars, danger, fire, and knives says:
ogden what?
-*- what's a troups recipe for treacherous times? i tell 'em fast cars, danger, fire, and knives says:
shutup leonidus
Ted/meatspace says:
... leonidas?
Ted/meatspace says:
i'm confused
Ted/meatspace says:
as always
-*- what's a troups recipe for treacherous times? i tell 'em fast cars, danger, fire, and knives says:
it was the name of the snake i was looking at as i was talking to you
-*- what's a troups recipe for treacherous times? i tell 'em fast cars, danger, fire, and knives says:
sooo.. out came leonidas.
-*- what's a troups recipe for treacherous times? i tell 'em fast cars, danger, fire, and knives says:
i'm going to call you leonidas.
Ted/meatspace says:
awesome. TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!!!!
Ted/meatspace says:
i suppose domino's in a messy dorm room qualifies as a hell, of sorts
-*- what's a troups recipe for treacherous times? i tell 'em fast cars, danger, fire, and knives says:
LMAO

2007-12-09T21:47:00.001-08:00

C'mon says:
That was the point.
-*- what's a troups recipe for treacherous times? i tell 'em fast cars, danger, fire, and knives says:
It's not fair.
C'mon says:
For what it's worth, I'm sorry.
-*- what's a troups recipe for treacherous times? i tell 'em fast cars, danger, fire, and knives says:
Are you really, or are you just saying that?
C'mon says:
I am.
-*- what's a troups recipe for treacherous times? i tell 'em fast cars, danger, fire, and knives says:
Apology accepted.

C'mon just sent you a nudge.

C'mon says:
Oops.
C'mon says:
-hug-
-*- what's a troups recipe for treacherous times? i tell 'em fast cars, danger, fire, and knives says:
ROFL.

2007-12-01T01:06:00.001-08:00

- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
rough timeline
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
born, cape town.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
nov 18 1990
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
scorpio
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
-nod-
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
see?
c=evil sa=cid aLhe=ad says:
Haha, your manner is so awesome
c=evil sa=cid aLhe=ad says:
Yes, i see
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i moved to botswana, i can't remember where right now, when i was six months old.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
moved to vancouver when i was four.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
travelled lots.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
attended preschool twice.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
once there, once here.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
kindergarten and first grade were spent in a religious school.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
st.augustines.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i didn't like it.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
the drive was too far.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i don't remember how i felt about leaving.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i had friends there.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
boys used to kiss me.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
grade two through seven were spent in a local elementary school, archiblad blair.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i was bullied.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i was easy to bother because i cared to the bone about everything that went on between students and in what i considered to be the world.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
which, at the time, consisted of racism, descrimination, and love of all people.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i didn't want anyone to be treated the way iwas.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i was even nice, not just civil, but i was kind to the people who were bullying me.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i used to play soccer at lunch with boys when i could
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
the rest of my time was spent making bracelets out of dead branches, wading through "lakes", playing island on a tree in a big "lake", eating sap fresh off of the trees, and playing sports.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
you see?
c=evil sa=cid aLhe=ad says:
i do
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i spent a lot of time trying to be friends with people who didn't like me.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
too.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i cried at my seventh grade graduation ceremony.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
like most people do.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i forgot to mention.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i used to swim.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i tought myself how to swim when i was one.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i'm a very good swimmer.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
water and i understand eachother.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i often dream of water.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i was on a team.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
come eighth grade.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
things slowly started unravelling for me.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i was in a new environment
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
new teachers
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
new people
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
it was exciting, at first.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
but slowly, people stopped liking me.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i had a crush on a few boys, and they had crushes on me.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i got invited to birthday parties.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i would have severe boughts of depression;.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i would lay in the field, no matter what temperature it was outside, and watch the clouds roll over the grass.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
thinking about how much easier life would be if i just ended it.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i used to imagine the vastness of space, and i could do it.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i could imagine something without any borders, without an end.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
and it fit.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
it fit into my head.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i used to think about how much nicer it would be for me to be in that space, perpetually.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
nothingness and all.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
you see?
c=evil sa=cid aLhe=ad says:

- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
come grade nine, these feelings of mine worsened.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i started cutting myself, and dressing what i presumed at the time to be gothicly.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
this is where things start getting fuzzy for me.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i've mulled over the details for a long time.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i can't get anything straight.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i can't attach dates, times, or years to much from this point on.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i blazed with my friend malaya for the first time that summer.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i didn't do it again until september.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
start of the tenth grade school year.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i met a girl named amy, she introduced me to danny.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
danny is now a heroin addict, expelled from his own gang, and i don't know where or how he is.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
he was still attending school at the time.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
amy and i started blazing at school together.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
it was fine with me.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i always got stuff for free.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
hell, i even got little mermaid on ice tickets in a draw at school once.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i also won tickets to a basketball game.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
and something else, i can't remember.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
you see?
c=evil sa=cid aLhe=ad says:
<3
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
amy invited me to stay the weekend with her at her house one day, i believe in september.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i obliged, quite happily, seeing as i finally had a friend and all.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
her and i ended up at a boy named ryans house.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
ryans whereabouts are currently unknown, no one knows what has happened to him.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
we blazed, and i was pretty stoned.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
amy, who at the time was a cocaine addict and i was completely unawares, told me that if i wanted to get higher i could do a line of cocaine for five bucks.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
this girl had reemed me for money, completely wrung me dry. i only had five dollars left in my wallet.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i obliged, and did cocaine for the first time that night.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
amy owes me 160 dollars, presently.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
we went back to her house, and after a half hour or so
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i found myself more depressed then i had ever been in my entire, short, life.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
she kicked me out of her house the next day and told me she never wanted to see me again.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i went home, with my tail between my legs, to my loving parents.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i couldn't tell them what had happened, i just couldn't
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
you can't just up and out with this sort of stuff.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
you know?
c=evil sa=cid aLhe=ad says:
Yes
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
are you still listening?
c=evil sa=cid aLhe=ad says:
Of course. Listening to you now makes me doubt ever listening to anyone else
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
amys whereabouts are unknown, as well. she went missing in december.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
people say she's in edmonton, some say she's still around here somewhere.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
on september 10th, i tried to kill myself
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i ground up forty of my anti-depressants, a full bottle of celexa, in my fathers coffee grinder. i mixed the powder with water, and i drank it.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
shortly after, i called my long distance love. his name was phil. and told him i was ending it.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
his voice cracked, that's about it. he had always said he'd call me back, he'd come see me, but he never - ever did.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
my parents were away watching the masters golf tournament. they love golf.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
eleven minutes after i drank my deadly concoction, i called 911 and told them what i had done.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
the dispatch lady was impressed that i wanted to get help, and the paramedics weren't holding anything against me.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i can't imagine how depressing it must be to them to pick up a fifteen year old girl whose trying to kill herself.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i spent the day in the hospital, alone.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
they made me drink bottles of charcoal, and put an iv in my arm.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
my stool was black for days.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
my parents came into the hospital at six oclock, having had their cellphones turned off at the tournament. it's mandatory.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
to find that their sweet, sweet christine had just tried to off herself and had been insisting that it wasn't her parents fault to various social workers and youth counselors who worked through the hospital all day.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
needless to say, that week at school i was a tad loopy.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
you see?
c=evil sa=cid aLhe=ad says:
i love it when you say that
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
on monday, i told my friend stephanie what i had done. she, in a typical melodramatic moment of idiocy, collapsed to her knees and started begging me to stay, screaming why, and bawling her eyes out.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i found it comical.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i thought to myself, how is it this girl cares more about me than i do?
c=evil sa=cid aLhe=ad says:
sounds it
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
from then on, my life consisted of pot and blow.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
anyday, anytime.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i really don't have dates for you now.
c=evil sa=cid aLhe=ad says:
dont need them
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
but, at some point i was invited to start attending nightshift.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
nightshift is supposed to be a local recreational group for teenagers in richmond, and takes place at several different community centers here.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
when really, it's a safe injection site.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i met the wrong people, more or less importantly the wrong person.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
the girl with the free crack cocaine, and cocaine.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
the boy who would always give me free speed.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
and the girl i would blaze with.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i had a system.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
every nightshift, i would depleat my resources.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
or, use them. rather.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
take advantage of what they had to offer.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
nightshift was only on weekends.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i only ever got to do blow and crack cocaine on weekends.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
it was frustrating.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i would fiend during the week.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i started spending money on ectasy.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i would pop ecstasy during the week, and do cocaine on the weekends along with whatever else i could get my hands on.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
it worked fine.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i was running on a fifteen dollar allowance, that's three caps.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
three caps was enough to hold me off for two days, at most.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i would go around at lunch, at school, and ask people for money for food.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i'd always come up with another five or ten dollars.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
if that failed, and it rarely did, there was the locker room.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i was cutting myself, using, and trying to impress my friends.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
two weeks before it happened, i was walking tight circles around trees to try to keep my mind from doing blow.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
the week before it happened, i was at north vancouver outdoor school counselling.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
it was not a fun week.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i looked haggard.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
you see?
c=evil sa=cid aLhe=ad says:
always and forever
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
friday, june 23rd 2006.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
the night.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i went to a bands night at the southarm community nightshift with a friend named sarah.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i hadn't intended on doing anything, i had a week to reconsider my actions outside of the city.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
sarah was doing e.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i thought, ah well, why not?
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i paid her for my cap, popped it without water, bought my ticket to the show and settled in for a good night.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i was moshing, dancing, and i was completely unaware of what was happening to my body.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i sat down next to a stranger who offered me another cap, i split it with sarah.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
my body was already trying to shut down.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i couldn't focus, my hands were shaking.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
my jaw was clenching uncontrollably.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i put my sunglasses on and they fogged up immediately, i took them off.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i tried to dial my moms number, it took me a few tries to get it right.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
when she picked me up, she looked weary.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
my entire side of the car had fogged up.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
you couldn't see through the windows.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i remember looking at the streetlights and thinking they were diamonds.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
my mother turned to me, and she said; "christine, do you need to go to the hospital?" i said yes.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i spent grand total five minutes in the waiting room, almost losing consious.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i entered the hospital with a heart rate of 180, and a temperature of roughly 102.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
they immediately tried to hook me up to an iv, but they couldn't find my vains.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
they tried on the top of my hand, the tried on the side of my hand, and eventually succeeded in the crook of my arm.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
you see?
c=evil sa=cid aLhe=ad says:
7
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
hm?
c=evil sa=cid aLhe=ad says:
go on
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
the nurses gave me a bottle of charcoal to drink.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
and i was given tongue supressors to chew on.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
my pupils were the size of the moon, i thought.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
you could hardly tell the color of my eyes.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
a woman walked by with long curly hair, and at first i thought she was carrying a zebra hand bag - then i realized she was carrying a cat - and then my mother told me she wasn't carrying anything.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i was beginning to hallucinate.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
a doctor came in. he told me that if my vitals didn't settle in the next half hour, my heart wouldn't be able to take it anymore. i would go into cardiac arrest, or i would start siezuring.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
my dad was standing at the end of my bed, he said to me; "look at what you've done to yourself, look! this is f'cking embarrassing."
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
my mom sent him home.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
a little bit later, an older woman who was a bit overweight came in via ambulance.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
she had just suffered a major heart attack.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i looked over to her bed, through the curtain.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
she suddenly exhaled, and the heart moniter stopped beating - it was a flat line.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i heard the nurse call the code, repeatedly, and a dozen hospital staff were at her side in what seemed like an instant.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i heard the sound of the flatline, and the sound of the panels as they tried to revive her.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i laughed.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i laughed at her.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i look back now, and i think that's the most upsetting thing about that night.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i laughed at an elderly woman dying, while in the bed beside her in an irresponsible fifteen year old girl with no respect for life what-so-ever.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
it's embarrassing.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
in the time my mom and i spent in the hospital together, i unravelled all of my secrets.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i had made my decision.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
it was now or never.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
my mom and i took a cab ride home.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
we disregarded the doctors advice that i should stay overnight, and go into a detox program the next morning.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i woke up the next morning, i couldn't stop shaking.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
my legs were bouncing, my eyes darting all over the place.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i couldn't concentrate on anything.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i sat down with my parents, and we laid out rules and a plan to get through this.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
and we did.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i cleaned my room that day, for the first time in my life. like really, actually cleaned it from top to bottom.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
my mom and i have that in common, when something traumatic happens to us - we clean.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
we are subconsiously trying to rid the place of anything bad that might have happened there.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
it took me six months to go near a mirror.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
a flat mirror.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
it took me eight months to stop preaching to my friends about drug addiction.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
it took me another week to figure out for myself that you really can't change other people.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
you can't mold them into perfect rolemodels for yourself, everyone will always make their own decision.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i know face a lifetime addiction.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i am a drug addict.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
in perpetual recovery mode.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i'm almost two years behind in school.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
i have very, very few friends.
- Sæglópur ... domiknitrix. 6046192529. says:
and i still battle depression.

Proclaim

2007-11-25T22:40:00.000-08:00

Ted/agarthanmushrooms says:
if you were from outer space, you'd probably be from one of jovian moons that erupts in worldwide volcano every 10 seconds
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
lol.

Bubble Theorem

2007-11-25T22:38:00.000-08:00

Ceiling Cat says:
I'm gonna get dragged out to ball hockey next season, or something
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
Excellent.
Ceiling Cat says:
excellent?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
Darkness only prevails in the absence of light. <3
Ceiling Cat says:
true
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
ball hockey has a lot to do with bright lights.
Ceiling Cat says:
I suppose so... I dunno, I'm targety
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
Naw.
Ceiling Cat says:
I am though
Ceiling Cat says:
they put a buncha shit on me and make me stand where everyone shoots at
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
Oh God.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
Bring a flashlight?
Ceiling Cat says:
why a flashlight?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
Good source of light in a pinch.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
A wind up lantern is better though.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
You manufacture it yourself then.
Ceiling Cat says:
nah... -=shrug=- I suppose I kinda asked for it when I said "I suppose I could paly"
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
-pat pat-
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
it's okay
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
you can call me when your face is broken and you're in the hospital
Ceiling Cat says:
yeah, I'll survive
Ceiling Cat says:
and... I get a full face mask...
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
And?
Ceiling Cat says:
means no breaking face?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
What if a flaming puck of DOOM comes and slices through your metal frame mask thing?
Ceiling Cat says:
it's a ball... thus ball hockey
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
...
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
Flaming BALLS OF DOOM then.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
God.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
Quit cramping my doomsday.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
-crosses arms and huffs-
Ceiling Cat says:
actually, the flaming balls of doom are shot from my team, mostly
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
...
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
-fumes-
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
do you want me to bring out the bubble?
Ceiling Cat says:
I'm sure there will be doom
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
I'll bring out the bubble. >=|
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
The bubble of DOOM.
Ceiling Cat says:
NUUUUUUUU
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
-glare-
Ceiling Cat says:
I'M SORRY
Ceiling Cat says:
I WILL BREAK MY FACE FOR YOU
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
Bow down. >=|
Ceiling Cat says:
I BOW
Ceiling Cat says:
I BOW
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
Good.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
=)
Ceiling Cat says:
my mashter
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
Puppy want biscuit? Eh? eh?
Ceiling Cat says:
ruff??
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
Rofl.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Inquire - d[-_-]b - Full of M3. - Can't kill a thing that's already dead, so leave my soul alone. says:
/end.

2007-11-22T22:22:00.000-08:00

My concerns are taking over my brain. I'm the leader of a foul army in the house of pain. If I read, the words get scrambled like my mothers eggs on toast. If I speak, I get into trouble and it's my head they all wanna roast. I'm stuck in a perpetual cycle that I'm unwilling to admit. My head is lacking and my hand can't perform wit. My eyes are roughed like the palms of hands.

So I tried writing and when I opened up my pen my shit all came tumbling out. It stains my paper brown and ..

This is the end.

Cuckoo-Ookoo-Ookoo

2007-11-01T20:19:00.001-07:00

This big lumbering beast I want to cage and keep to myself,
Life is too high and I can't reach it's shelf,
All strung out and my head combusts,
Life's afraid of my hearts feeble trust,
I'm all worn out and covered in rust,
Warm this engine - make me lust.

Cuckoo-Cuckoo Animal Collective

2007-11-01T20:07:00.000-07:00

How I lost my boy
How I lost my boy
How I lost my boy
How I lost my boy

The king and I died
He kept floating past my eyes
And singing his songs
Life was good now death surrounds
Cause you can't feel a thing
No heart flutters in late spring
You just drift and pray
For sun-kissed, golden days

And I can't hold what's in my hand
Don't do any good to say this isn't what I planned
And little kids slide down on steel park slides
Little kids can't play with things that died
Sometimes all I want's one favorite song
And two to three minutes don't seem so long
And where's my mom, I wanna hold her tight
She's so far away from crowded nights

I'm going cuckoo-ookoo-ookoo
Well I'm going cuckoo-ookoo-ookoo
Where I'm going

I said please stay
You can see me, don't go away
I can't see the landscape
Please describe it's amarynthian haze
It's odd where I am
They're people, you're not like them
They just look away
For rain-quenched golden days

My tears quenched five feet along
And I can scream but cannot yawn
And people gonna come and people gonna cry
We just hope it's worth the age we die
Don't try to erase what you have done
Put your favors in a mouth, and kiss it if it wants
And where's my friend, I wanna hold him tight
He's so far away from mountain light

I'm going cuckoo-ookoo-ookoo
Well I'm going cuckoo-ookoo-ookoo
Where I'm going

And I can't hold what's in my hand
Don't do any good to say this isn't what I planned
And little kids slide down on steel park slides
Little kids can't play with things that died
Sometimes all I want's one favorite song
And two to three minutes don't seem so long
And where's my mama, wanna hold her tight
She's so far away from crowded nights

I'm going cuckoo-ookoo-ookoo
Well I'm going cuckoo-ookoo-ookoo
Where I'm going

Sometimes I wonder how I keep from going under

2007-10-21T15:43:00.000-07:00

I had a very real dream that has frightened me, badly.

At the beginning of the dream I went into a maze of sorts in a large warehouse with some friends. We arrived in a large room, the lights were flashing, and it was very dark. I hear my friend tell me there's a tiger or lion of sorts in a room. I don't remember the details. I get somewhat enslaved by a very controlling man, I'm his favorite. What he does with the other people when he's done with them, he looses them into the livestock room and unlocks the cages. Somehow I manage to displease him and he wants to kill me too, and after several intense mishaps I manage to free myself and run through the yard, into the highway and get into someones car. Every time I get into someones car that isn't Sharons, they lead me astray and I end up bailing out of the car or facing my pursuer.

I land up back in the house/warehouse/maze "working" for this person. I'm deathly afraid of them. This time around, he fastens the girls to a conveyor belt and disposes of them through a small hole in the wall. I try to get away, but I land up in some gothics girls car and they lead me back to the home. I am sitting at a table in the cafeteria when he notices me again, and so I run. I run in the wrong direction, and have to double back through a very empty room. That empty room has my red backpack in it. I can't remember if I pick it up or not, but I run to the road again and flag down someones car. The man who lets me in his car looks very familiar, in his lap are adult magazines, and he has an erection. He turns to me and says "I hope you don't mind." and turns around on the road to go back where I just came from. I jump out of the car and into another car that has the girls in it. I make it to Minorou Pavillian, but when I go inside it turns into a game. I spend a few minutes in training, knowing that the man who wants to feed me through the conveyor belt is right behind me. When I get out into the real world of the game, it is nothing but a pitch black corridor for a while. I can feel him sneaking up behind me. There is candelight in the next area of the game, and I see my pursuer has caught up to me. He casts slowing spells on my character, but misses the second time as I am going around a corner - they hit the wall. I cannot find Sharon. I exit the game. I cannot find anywhere safe to go. Because this is such a dead end, and I do not want to see what will happen to me when he catches up to me, I wake up.

This dream has not been completed.

Homework sucks, I want to eat it.

2007-10-09T22:40:00.001-07:00

(Sung to bats eat bugs)

Homework sucks, I want to eat it,
Homework sucks, it don't eat toddlers,
Homework sucks and it'll steal you for dinner,
So don't give in to the man.

Homework eats children, it don't eat parents,
Homework eats children, it don't eat mom or dad,
Homework eats children and it wants us to die,
So make sure it goes away quick.

Teachers suck, they eat people,
Teachers suck, they'll eat you and me!
Teachers suck, and they'll steal your soul,
So go hang it high in a tree.

*ROFLCOPTER*

2007-09-11T20:23:00.000-07:00

- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:

Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
you read my mind
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
just facebook
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
=P
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
lol
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
zomgzomgzomg.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
took a ride in an 84 regal today o-o
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
s'a funny car
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
very nice
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
the engines so fucked it doens't go over 60
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
=P
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
anywho.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
sup?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
full of macdonalds crispy chicken snack wrap - which is ohso yummy.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
you?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
just eat sum chicken cecar salad
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and im spent totaly in need of a nap
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but for sum reason i want to cuddle something soft
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
does that make me gay
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
no, that makes you.. insecure?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
or in dire need of comforting.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
cuddle slut
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
neither of which are ghey.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i think i was a dog in a past life
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
it'd make a lot of sence
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
dogs dont cuddle
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
sum dogs do
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
mine does
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but you do get kicked around =P
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
bwaha.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
true...
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
you sleep with your dog? ew.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
he lays on the foot of my bed
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i can't stand the smell of dog
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
ya wet dog is narsty
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but he dosnt smell bad usaly
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
he's not like other dogs
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
what kind of dog is he?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
he does'nt shed so he dosnt have that oily fur
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but he has to get a hair cut every now and then
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
he's a wheaten snoodle
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
a wheaten terrior mixed with a snozer poodle
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
a whaba wha?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
a mut i guess
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
so im gonna get to that nap
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i guess
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
fine, leave.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
>_>
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i'll go talk to my invisible not-online friends and leave them incriminating messages
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
fun?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
o_O
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
s'a joke.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
are you okay?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
ya
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
just in a weird mood i suppose
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
feels like it
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
=P
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
or er, seems like it
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i swear to god i'm not going to astral over and check on your aura.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i swear i swear i swear.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
thats a lie!@
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
send me link
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
what link?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i dunno
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
o_O
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i'm an empath
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i can create portals and stuffs
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
n_n
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
sweet
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i'll say
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
=P
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
come chill with moi
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
hm
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
sure, if i can concentrate.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
kay
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
complete silence
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
........
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
LOL
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
wait
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
o_O
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
do you feel spiritual entities and stuff?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
o_O
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
if not, this experiment is completely useless.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
entities?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
uhm, things.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
like people, or "ghosts"
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i beilve that im a very spiritual person
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
good, so you don't think i'm nuts?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
not completly
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
okay.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
even if i told you i adopt wings every so often?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i have once or twice
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
o_O
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
LOL
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
wait
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i don't get it
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
were you just syaing that or was that in part answering my question?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i'm really tired too
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
all of the above
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
if what i thought you ment by adopt wings is actualy what you ment by adopt wings.....
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
what did you mean by adopt wings?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
it means i borrow them from whichever spirit is passing through my gateway
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i myself am a sort of gateway
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
arnt we all?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
hence, when i'm talking to adrian (the person who taught me all of this) i adopt different personalities =P
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
possibly.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
do go on
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
o_O
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
and say what?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
im not sure
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but im intreged
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
so you beleive that you adopt the personalities of spirits that pass through you?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
no, adrian believes that
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i believe that that's just bipolar/manic depressive behavior
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
all that emoting
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but i am skeptical
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
either way
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
huh
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
he also doesn't think i'm human
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
=P
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
withc would make you.....
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
a jotun
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
gygr, more correctly
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
witch is...
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
which is a giant.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
female giantess, more correctly
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
a giant?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
mhhhm.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i think otherwise though
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i don't believe i have a different form
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
=P
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
well, if i did i would assume i were a gypsy
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
more or less
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
because when i see myself, i'm always a gypsy with curly brown hair with these long white slender wings and a skirt made of hundreds of these pieces of brown and green and yellow sash o_O
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and a gypsy and a jotun r not human?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i have no idea what isn't consider human
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
considered*
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i'd consider a cyclops human
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
possibly even an ape
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
you think?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
close
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
sub human?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
yeah, it depends
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but who's to say were higher then they are
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i think what adrian means is along the lines of angels and deities
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
deities?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
things inhibiting human form
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
gods
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
demi gods, that sort of thing
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
oh i c
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
so the spirit of a super natural being that has taken human form...
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
yes
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
somewhat
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
adrian has an angel living inside of him named flynn, she was exhiled from heaven for refusing to obey god or satan
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
exiled from heaven for not obeying satan?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
you think that'd get you in
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
nono
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
exhiled from heaven for refusing to obey satan or god
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
she was also kicked out of hell
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
Ahhh
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
well i'd think hell would b a little bit harder to get out of....
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
mmm, not necesarily
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i believe there's some sort of game rule involved
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
she didn't necesarily do anything bad to make her stay in hell
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
or be "damned"
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
so i believe she had the right to leave
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
or
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i don't know
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
anyway
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
she's in adrian
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
Kool
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
sort of
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
she pisses me off
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
she's very controlling and demanding
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
fucking angels always used to getting their own way >_>
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
mabie thats why she got kicked outa heaven
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
lol
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i could see her trying to overrule god
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
lmao
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
sent to earth from heaven to...
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
nothing
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
from hell i mean*
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
she's here recovering
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
recovering?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
mhm
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
o_O
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
her spirit to get back in heaven?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
well, it's not like she had a get out of jail free card
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
to get wherever she plans on going
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
a second chance?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
interesting
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
well, no
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
almost...
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i think the reason we end up with so many spirits here on earth is because it's either the trial zone, or it's just where all the idiots go that don't feel like participating in heaven or hell
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i don't believe in evil, and i can't see any selfless good being done that's truly selfless
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
what is heaven and hell?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
at least by humans
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
ask the bible =P
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
you beileve that?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
the bible?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
yupe
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i don't follow a religion.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i'm agnostic.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
wich is why i was surprised...
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
agnostic?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
inbetween, waiting for proof
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
well, you're interested so you deserve to know the whole story =P
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:

Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
shoot
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
you cought sumthing im passonate in
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
religion or spirituality?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
both coenside i think
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
what i do is completely different from wiccan or pagan religions
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i dont think theres eny set religion that i could follow
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i don't spell cast or use my power to influence people to do wrong
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
no, i couldn't see myself following a religion
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
what happens if you make the choice, but that religion isn't the correct religion, and if there is a heaven and hell you're sent to hell for not knowing which is right and which is wrong?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
if enything i think im more native religion wide
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
based more on spirits and earth
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
mhm
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i liked the natives until they started abusing their rights
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but that's another story all together.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
well i think that religions were basicicly ment to keep ppl goverened b 4 they could govern them selves
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
that's a good point
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
keep them on the good side and not do bad things that would sentice them to be punished
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
or recouver
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
yeah, like a scare tactic
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
sort of like bushes reign on terror
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
of*
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
lol hahahaha
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
dammed for enterinity....
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
if we were created by a higher being why would he put part of them self into somthing only to have it dammed to torment if it dosnt make the right decisions with its life....
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
mabie stuck in limbo till they recouver or sumthing
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
because, there's another theory, that this is the trial phase.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
what do you mean?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i forget what it's called
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but there's supposedly a place inbetween heaven and hell
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
p-something or other
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
you go there when you don't necesarily qualify for hell or heaven
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i was talking about it with one of the summer rec workers at touchstone
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
he thinks that this is that stage
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but i wish there was some criteria somewhere, that god had written himself, to give us guidelines as to what we're supposed to be doing here
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
you know?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
being told what to do and doing what you feel is wright is different
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
SO
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
if i told you somthing would you listen?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i do listen o-o
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i'd ask if you'd think im crazy but i think were past that stage
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
my thoughts on life after death....
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
(listens)
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
have you ever heard of 11:11?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
no i haven't
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i'm not sure if this is true
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and its gonna b reaaly hard for me to explain
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
b alot easy in person but then we got the shyness to deal with
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
SO
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
ja, boo face
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
a car crashes
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
into a river with her kid in side
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
by standers rush in to try and save them
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i assume you mean a mother and kid?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
ya sorry bout that
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
no problem
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
go on n_n
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
kay so they drag them to shore but they are both uncouneous
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
an abulance comes and they recepricate the mother
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but the kid has to be taken to a hospital and is in a coma
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and later looses his pulse
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and it was all over the news and every one is " praying" or thinking and hoping for the kid to pull through
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and the kid comes back to life
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
might have the story a little bit off
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but the point is on 11:11 the earth recarges its magnetic feild
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
witch is the most powerfull time for mericals or what have you
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
so with that in mind
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i beleive that the northern lights
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
witch is caused by the magnetic feild going around the earth
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
are spirits
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and since all electric currents have a magnetic feild around them
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and all living things have a electric current
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i beleive we are all connected
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and some ppl are able to tap into this feild
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
we would sometimes technically not though o_O
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but go on
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and also that spirits are able to communicate by munipulating electric and magnetic feilds
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
for example
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
have you ever noticed that your more drawn to look at a clock
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
at say
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
3:33
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
or 11:11
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
1:23
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i'd like to think that, thats one way they're able to let us know that there watching over us
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i don't think they're watching over us, at least not all of them, but i think they're just watching
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but i do believe they try to get our attention
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
thats what i ment..
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
more or less
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
for instance, i was "visiting" my ex tyler, and i noticed there was a figure moping around in his room
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
so i said, well he's big and burly an dhas a tattooo and a big bushy beard, given some prodding and what not
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
and he tells me that's his dead father
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
strange
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i can't communicate with spirits, but i can see them.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
if i choose to pay attention.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
can you see aura's?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i forget what its called when you can
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but i think i can see strong ones
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i also think that young children )
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i can see aura
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
auras*
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
if i look for them
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but the thing is, i never understood that seeing isn't sight, it's with your inner eye
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
(be it cause their newly reincarnated spirits ) or just young but i think babys can see aura's
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
so everything i interpreted as seeing was completely and utterly wrong.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but then t.v and other fake entertainment confuses them because they cant see the ppl on t.v's aura
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
babys can see everything, i think.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
so they loose the ability
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
as can cats
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
my cats are always looking at things around me in empty spaces
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
it freaks me out when they look past me sometimes, but then i just "look" and i feel safer.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i had to get adrian to come and clean out my house though
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
lol how come?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
there was this angry thing by my front door
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
and a porcupine looking thing that was always trying to creep up my stairs.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i also figured out, that in my sleep, i leartn when i was really young to create a protective spiritual barrier between me and the immediate world so i can transfer myself into dreams
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
and i believe that dreams are real, they just take place with your spiritual being versus your immediate being.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
oh, and there's a possum type thing that clings to the drainpipe outside my window.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
it's always watching me fall asleep.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
strange
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
mhm
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
and once i was over at shixxys, and a gnome-like creature stayed here.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i don't think everyone can tell that i make portals, instead of actually moving myself (i'm lazy that way, so says adrian)
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
so sometimes things get confused.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
lol
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
weird T_T
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
strange
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
speaking of gnome like creatures
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
im gonna get my sister to design me a tattoo
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
her style is real spirutal fantasy ish
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
so im gonna get a bush tree going up my spine
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and at the base the roots go under my belt line
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
were mush rooms and herbs are growing
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
aaaaaaawesome o-o
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
being attended too by gnomes and fairies
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
who are being stalked by goblins and moles that i trying to steal their magic
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
o-o
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
you're my favorite friend >_>
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and then eventualy if i want it to take up my whole back
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
im gonna get the moon and stars on one side of the trees
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and the sun and clouds on the other
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
that's a lot of ink buddy
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
o-o
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and prolly a 3rd or 4th moon
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
well not all at once
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
it'd b over the corse of several years
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i know, but that's going to cost you =P
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
prolly not starting till im 20
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
meh
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
moneys money
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
truth
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i'm moving out in august
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
woooooow
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
same
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i think i told you that
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
you did?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
Mhmm
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i want to go to salmon arm
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
o_O
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i see.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i want to go wherever i can get a roomie
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
right now marissas thinking of getting out too
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but she's going to be the same age i am
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
and i'd rather be living with someone who has superiority over me so they'd keep me straight
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
lol
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
to be honest
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but i'm thinking seattle, so far.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
'cos AI is there
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
and that's a really good school
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
kool beans
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
yarrrp
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
dam!
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
to late to nap now i guess
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
or i wont b able to get to sleep when i should b alseep
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
HUZZAH
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
Good talk though!!
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i guess o_O
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i enjoyed it
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i guess i did too o_O
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
are you leaving or something?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
no not yet
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
was just brefly thinking about it
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but i think when it gets dark out im gonna go sit in the hot tub
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and look at the stars
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and get sum deep thought goen
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
on what we just talked about
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
jealous.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
per usual
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
>_>
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
zomg.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i'd love to live on my own.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i could walk around naked all i want
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
whenever i want
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
YES
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
omg.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
depends on the roomie
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but im looking foward to that!!
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
lol.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
mars wouldn't mind me stalking around nekked.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i don't think
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
the only problem is she's super christian
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
lol
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
TT_TT
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
do you know eny realy good book stors round here?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
or there
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
or enywere
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
uhm, anywhere but chapters
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but go to the book warehouse downtown
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
ya checked there
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
sale price books =P
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
were is it?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
you can get hard covers for cheap
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
errr
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
google it
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
would they have rare books
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
would you want to go with me some time?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
sure thing
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
Bo ya
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
uhhhmm, i'm not sure if they'd have rare books but we could take a look regardless
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
what are you looking for?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i've been looking for one book in paticular for a very long time
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
its called a yaqui way of knowledge
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
its about shalmans and how they used drugs like mushrooms an peote to have spiritual jourynys
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
shamans*
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
or.. shamen
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
o_O
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
yupe
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
parden my spelling
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but ya i think its kool
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
how ppl have been doing it for hundrends of years
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and with out even knowing
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
yeah, your spelling always sucks (i've adjusted)
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
it's very instinctual
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
why don't you just go to africa? XD
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
or australia
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
thats what i went looking for when doing mushrooms
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i think it'd b kool to go actualy learn from a shamen
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
trip to africa would b sweet or mexico but not for a few years
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and still this book would open up my mind
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
yeah, but how are you going to use that knowledge when you get back to a place like north america?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
it'll be worthless
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i use it in every day life
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
interactions with ppl
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
what i do and the choice i make when faced with a dissicion
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
it helps me make the right ones to get were i want to b
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
right, i was totally thinking medicine man
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
wait.. or is that right
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
ah fuck, i can't keep track of my thoughts
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
a shamen could b medicine men
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
you were right
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but its also understanding how to interact with spirits
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
learning...
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
from your mistakes and those of others
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
from spirits...
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
pritty much its how i want to live my life
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
now rushing every were
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
not*
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but to be happy with what i have and what im capable of getting
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
lol thanks
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
mm, it does sound like a good way of life
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
to be one...
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but i still believe that that can be self taught.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
well im sure therers more to it
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
the shamen weren't trained to be one way or the other, they were selected because they showed aptitude in wisdom and consious decision making
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
what i say is pritty much what i've tought my self or picked up ove the years
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
hm
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
or er.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
yeah maybe there was training involved.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i don't know anymore.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
you'd have to be tought by your elders...
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but to be one with eart and spirits
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and to some how be able to use that to benifit others in their travles and mine
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
true
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but wasn't the purpose of a shaman really just to be an advisor?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but how, why and who
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
im not sure exactly
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
how, when people sought wisdom they went to the shaman
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
my ex gf was a good friend with a guy that was wanting to go to africa to be a shamen
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
whyyy? because they needed some sort of guidance
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and tought me sum stuff but sucks i stoped talking to him after we broke up
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
that does suck
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
are you and jocselyn getting along better now?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but "how" do you help, and know "who" to help and "why" eather bother
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
no im cut
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
she's trying her best to forget i ever existed
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
ghey.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
witch is alright i gues
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i just dont understand how i could have been so incredibly horrible that she feels i dont deserve to talk to her eny more
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but what ever
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i've moved on and am happy once more
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
really really?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
y
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
a
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
Yay me!
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
that's awesome n_N
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
so ya im intreged about shamanism
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
the wise man
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i guess i could sort of some what see you being wise o_O
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i woulndt spend my hole life trying to figure out lifes secrets
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but along my travles to death i'd like to gain knowledge to pass on to my children or other travles
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
to make the path easyer and more enjoyable to travle
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i suppose
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but stuff like that just comes with age and experience
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but getting ppl to understand with out repeating your self, or sounding like an idiot is the hardest part
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
true
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but some ppl make mistakes and dont learn from then
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
theres no sence in practicing your mistakes
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
if you make them learn from them
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
you can't change other people though
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
no wouldnt change
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
not at all
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
just use my knowledge to benifit
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but they'd have to want to listen
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
then i'd open doors to and from their mind
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
so they too could...
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
understand
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
true, but you can't just go around preaching.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
things come in time, if someone needs help and they come to you - feel free
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but you can't go looking for tihngs like that.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
exactly
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
you'll never find them.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
never have
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i'm actualy quite shy and quite
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
justin, i KNOW you're shy and quiet
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i've known you for two years.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
sooo
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
when ppl do want to talk to me
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i can talk
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
is it the absence of noise that makes ppl listen....
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
yes
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
like the blind man if you cant see are your other sences hightened
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
yeah, and that's been scientifically proven
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
what's your point?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
if a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
yes
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
yes
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
if you want too
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
you could feel it too
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
its a living thing with a electric current that we are all connected too
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
when it days you can feel it fade
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and when it falls you can hear its crys
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
technically any sound made by a living organism is spoken
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but if we can not hear or feel the passing of the tree
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
like on the highway to whistler, when they cut the rock, you can hear it scream.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
was it ever realy there?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
potentially
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
o_O
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
if you go through life with out love...
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and leav nothing or do nothing to be remebered by
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
did you ever live
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
exist?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
or jus wait to die
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
yeah you did exist.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
you're getting existing confused with "living"
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
and i still don't understand what point you're trying to conclude
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
do you think every thing have a purpose?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
not a purpose, but capability.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
capability for what?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
in other words, everyone is capable of having purpose.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but if you dont have a purpose why exist?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
because you exist wether you like it or not
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
and those who choose to sit around and mope about it can suck my dick
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but there must be a reason why you exist
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
no there mustn'y
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
not necesarily
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
it's not like someone gave god a list of things to do and assigned people to do it, but thought it would be fun to not tell them what they were supposed to be doing
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
why
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
if you had a purpose, it would be CLEAR to you.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
or you could just find a purpose.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
not necesarily
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
it's not use moping around guessing about purpose and what not, purpose will come if you're not looking for it.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i beleive the meaning of life is to find your purpose
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i don't.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but you believe what'll make you feel better about your life.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
it'll come if you're not looking for it
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
thats a good quote
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
well oviously its not the soul purpse of life
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
we don't HAVE purpose
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
if we had PURPOSE we wouldn't be DESTROYING everything.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
we're not the devils advocates, or disciples of the lord.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
well not every one is aware
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
we're just the inbetween people, fucking everything u8p.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
not every one understands
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
that we are one with the earth and spirits
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and if we kill her we all die
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
witch we are slowly doing
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and sadly it cant realy be changed only slowed down
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
which i realized in grade eight, there are bigger issues than making people realize there are spirits in the world.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
=P
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
we do what we can
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but like with 11:11
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
no, i think you're just doing what you can to sound like a shaman
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
some ppl beleive that, that one point were the earth is recharging its magnetic feild
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
if we all gave a little bit our our's
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
what does that have to do with anything?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
it would help jump start and strength it
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
so instead of every one taking from the earth
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
to give somthing back would help save it..
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
lol to sound like a shaman....
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
think of the earth as a refridgerator.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
=P
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
im only thinking out loud
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
we take what we need and leave the rest.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
that should be your philosophy.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
getting your response to cross examen what im actualy saying
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
to desiffer which is nonsence and witch is actual
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
decipher
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
take only what i need and leav the rest
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
it's sounding like a load of non-sense for the past ten minutes
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i cant take somthing and not give somthing back
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
yeah you can.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
you drive a car.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
why would i want to
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
a truck, actually.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
that's taking and not giving back.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and i recycle
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
so don't be hypocritical.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
RECYCLING doesn't PRODUCE oxygen, does it?
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
my house is surrounded by tree's
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i've gone planting tree's
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i walk were i can
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
drive were i have too
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
sure.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
=P
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i farmed
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
i grew things
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
mhm.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
as i said, believe whatever makes you feel better about your life.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
thats pritty blunt
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
thanks enyways for listening
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
when have i ever not been blunt o_O
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
but you're going in circles
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
Mhmm
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
i'm sorry
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
no its prolly true
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
try and made sum sence of it all
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
someday you'll take a look at it and go cross eyed XD
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
but its easyer to think out loud
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
and get imput
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
input*
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - Ze 'Pod d[-_-]b says:
yeah, it is sometimes.
Justin - Free and easy down the road i go says:
instead of just pulling things out of my ass

Lol

2007-09-06T20:13:00.001-07:00

- ₪۩۞۩₪ - says:
Kill BleachMan
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - says:
He's my ex wifey
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - says:
and a total boo brain.
@#$% says:
He looks like it.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - says:
Grroaaar.r
@#$% says:
What happened to make this dude a poo brain?
@#$% says:
And what kind of death are you ordering?
@#$% says:
You can get a torture/death combo for $3.95.
@#$% says:
Limited time only.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - says:
Mm, I think I'll take it. Could you throw in Sodomy for .50C?
@#$% says:
I'd have to call Tim.
@#$% says:
I'm not the sodomy guy.
@#$% says:
I'm the chainsaw guy.
@#$% says:
But we can make that happen.
@#$% says:
Give us a coupon for Dry Cleaning and we'll throw in sodomy for free.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - says:
Okay.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - says:
Deal.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - says:
=P
@#$% says:
xD
@#$% says:
We're horribly disturbed people. xDD
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - says:
That we are. O_O
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - says:
And cheap. T_T

There.

2007-09-04T22:12:00.001-07:00

Justin deserves a special mention.

Justin, you're special. Come visit, we've got a town to demolish.

Fuck

2007-08-28T00:34:00.000-07:00

upon melting stars says:
AND I stepped on this rough piece of wood and now have these weird hole/slice in my foot.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
--->
@#$% says:
Wow.
@#$% says:
That's pretty haggard.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
It was pretty sore.
@#$% says:
I can imagine.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
C'est la vie.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
I think I should die or something.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
'Cos I think I'd stop worrying then.
@#$% says:
About your foot?
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
Naw.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
More serious things then that. o_O
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
Like going to go get tests done that I've delayed for a year and a bit, Tyler coming back from the ranch, patching things up with Kalyn, and then upholding a successful relationship with Tyler if he does still decide to like me.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
And starting birth control, and waking up and benig an adult to myself for once
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
Instead of being one to everyone else.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
Stop feeling superior to the inferior twats who think their toes hurt because their heart is aching.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
And upholding a relationship with Amanda, who I just reconnected with today.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
We saw Stardust, good movie.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
And the start of school, being thrown into the pool of sharks.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
Tossed by every glance like a seabird caught in a terrible storm.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
Constantly watching my back in this state of fearless paranoia (don't ask), inevitably growing to loath everyone around me, using the counsellors to get my way, lying to myself and the people who try to get close me, encasing myself in layers and layers of thick, oily, leather, refusing to let the sharpest knife penetrate me.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
I lived the summer in some wonderland where I was independant, had somewhere to go, had people to see, was welcome wherever I went.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
Now it's back to being the underdog to everyone.
- ₪۩۞۩₪ - 'Cos it cuts so deep to see myself wishing upon melting stars says:
So, holy fucking shit I deserve a mental breakdown or something.

2007-07-21T20:20:00.000-07:00

Everything is so fucking funny to you.

You're pretty much the only friend I have right now.

You and your brushing aside, things to do elsewhere, going out and partying and having a good time.

I envy you and your ridiculously good life.

Good bye.

Heart Swollen

2007-07-20T00:52:00.000-07:00

Marina says that this is my safe house.

This is where I will be welcome, no matter how shit I feel or what I've done.

I am very grateful, so grateful I was in tears.

TomTom

2007-07-16T22:34:00.000-07:00

The Fateful Fortune Cookie

July 16, 2007 - I just checked my Facebook account and checked my fortune cookie application. When it changed, it read "The one you need to meet is looking for you." I was like WHOA, mang, wtf? And THEN I went and looked around all over the place, trying to find the one that was looking for me. Lo and behold, the one place that is most obvious is MSN (where I never sign off, or leave alone for more than eight hours). So I look on my "other contacts" list and there's this weird name, something about the souls of fallen men and I'm all dude no, who is this bitch? So I talk to them, and for the longest time I had no idea who they were or where I had met them. Turns out Thomas is a 6'7 seventeen year old gay stripper at a mens club.

Yeah, I know.

2007-07-13T09:26:00.001-07:00

Something about wine and coffee cups,
Something about them roses bloomin',
Something about the boys mowin' lawns,
Makes me want to smile.

2007-07-12T17:29:00.001-07:00

Premadonna,
Coked out in the fauna,
Thinkin' about where she gon' go.

Psychic rocker,
Tripped out at the doctor,
Wonderin' where he might be.

And we're all fallen, fallen, fallen,
Angels.

And we're all callin', callin', callin',
For retribution.

But there ain't no sun beneath the soil,
And that's where our flowers grow,
Can't see no light, be it day or night,
Who knows, who knows, who knows?

Where we go, if it's up or down,
We never quite figure out,
Livin' in the night, be it dark or light,
Who knows, you know, we know.

Little catepillar,
Feasting 'pon the tea pillars,
Waitin' for his life to change.

And them doves,
Know where their peace lies, love,
But don't understand how to go.

But we're still crawlin', crawlin', crawlin', 'pon the
Soil.

Still bawlin', bawlin', bawlin', and the grand worms
Coil.

And there ain't no way in hell,
No way in hell we're gonna get out,
No way we're gonna get outta this hole,
Not this way, not that way, who knows?

And I'm just the ant eater sitting 'pon the hill,
Waiting for them ants, for them guts to spill,
Never quite figurin' out where I be.

The Two

2007-07-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

The old man who lives on the hill has gotten used to seeing the sight of two women running. They are running to find each other, but always seem to miss one another by a small bit. Everyday, the old man will go to his deck in his chair-on-wheels and wait for them to pass.

One woman, she is yellow clad. The other woman, she is blue. Some days they will change clothing, and the one woman will wear red, and the other green. The old man will stare into the street. His grey eyes will reflect the morning light and turn them pink and rusty as he waits.

Today, he is wearing a grey jump suit and is riding his blue chair-on-wheels. It has a large bird hanging from the fender, and the grip on his turny-knob that directs his propulsion is vivid pink. The man represents the connection the women refuse to make, in his mind he is the only connection they have. The outsider who can spy the potential.

"Ah," Comes a voice from inside him.

On the horizon, the old man is watching as the first rim of the sun peaks out from between the mountains. To his left, the South, comes the one woman in her yellow outfit. He turns his head and looks to the right, just to make sure. As promised, the other woman is jogging down his long, long street in her blue outfit.

Both women have their iPod connected in their ears, he can hear the faint buzzing from some Rock'n'Roll tunes as they approach his house. The one woman runs on the right. The other runs on the left.

Both of them, both of them have done this for one year and three days. The old man has been counting. His birthday was on the first of January, it is now the third.

He is apprehensive as they pass each other. The old man is hoping they will at least look at each other.

The blue woman, she is staring straight ahead.

The yellow woman, she is staring at the ground.

The two, they never connect.

"Ah," He says to himself, "Maybe tomorrow," and wheels his chair-on-wheels back inside his patriotic American temple that his family rents out during the year to unsuspecting tourists.

Smooch.

2007-07-11T18:02:00.000-07:00

Monday - Buddhist temple/beach.
Tuesday - Drinking At the beach for six hours, then playing soccer.
Today - Totally went to the pool.
Tomorrow - Totally going to farm.
Friday - No plans. T_T

Pin.

2007-07-05T23:06:00.000-07:00

So I am going to pretend to be sitting in a box,
I am pretending to be dressed in yellow rubber rain gear,
All I am knowing is that your mind is what I hear.

So far, my hair is but golden amber,
Wrought with white strands, here and there,
All of my thoughts surround me, up in the air.

My eye is a piano, playing in your cloudless sky,
I am playing for the angels, but I do not know why.

Pickle

2007-07-04T01:15:00.000-07:00

When saying goodbye was really goodbye, when the soul was saying au revoir to it's other half.

You knew, you just knew it.

I should darn well think so!

2007-07-04T00:38:00.001-07:00

it's useless to waste time trying to define love

love is love as love will be and there's nothing we can do to box it, change it, or make it suit our needs.

i know

it's a plague, it's a bar of candy, and it's the end of us all.

How to get lost.

2007-06-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

I'm damaged stock, write me off with a big D stamped on my forehead and mail me to the junk yard. In the yard there'll be someone just as broken, just as hurt and lonesome, and we'll find something in common and make something so beautiful it seems whole.

I like the idea of that junk yard, though it seems a rather impossible feat when you think of how many things are fractured and not yet willing to create new merchandise.

Or, I could continue to lend myself wholly to others and watch my iridescent facade grow to a magnitude so large and so pompous that I seem as though I am truly happy, and I seem as though I am truly whole, and seem as though I am truly in love. Perhaps I will, indeed, let that facade grow so big, and so large, and so gargantuan, that I will appear to be self-confident, trust-worthy, and lovable.

You don't even know

2007-05-18T23:33:00.001-07:00

What's it like being the only one under the sun,
Who can help herself by being the only one who's dead and gone?
How many of your species recover?
I don't know.
How many of your species take cover?
I don't know.
How many of you are there left?
I don't know.
How many of you haven't made it?
...

I thought my heart would explode

2007-05-12T14:09:00.000-07:00

Heh.

I really, really did.

Little

2007-05-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

Little drunk, little stoned,
Little pissed, little boned,
Little shits a little pwned.

Shut

The

Fuck

Up.

=)

Let's stay strong, shall we?

2007-05-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

People will say all sorts of things to start a scene.

People are just people, there's no need to fret.

People will blame and maim you,

But you'll stay on your feet.

Well I feel just like a child.

2007-05-03T22:48:00.000-07:00

'Cos it's the blank space between what is and what has been,
And my head is through my chest, I better do my best,
I'm a life.

Fuck you.

2007-05-01T23:38:00.000-07:00

This shit is fucking unbelievable,
Your scene is fucking inconcievable,
I fucking hate it when you turn your cheek,
Then you have the nerve to fucking call me weak,

Am I so wrong to want to avoid being confronted,
When all my life I've been nothing but blunted,
I'm sick of having my heart tossed around,
Why don't you fucking take off your halo and come back to ground?

I need you to help me comb my hair

2007-05-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

I'd like you to suture flowers to my skin,
I'd like you to rub poultice in my eyes,
I'd like you to touch my lights and grin,
I'd like you to chuckle and lay with me beneath the skies.

I need you to comfort my insecurity,
I need you to dress me in your gown,
I need you to make my blanket of empathy,
I need you to be there for me while I'm down.

And you could do whatever you wanted,
Any other day when you weren't around,
But right at that precise moment,
I want you earth bound.

I'm the one with head over heel..

2007-05-01T20:57:00.000-07:00

Congratulations on being a U-ROC award recipient, Christine.

Christine is an outsanding youth in our community. Christine has overcome many challenges this past year and has done so with dedication, passion, and grace. Christine has worked hard to create change in her life and to look critically at decisions she makes. Christine has grown tremendously this past year and needs to be commended for the efforts she has made. We are very proud of you!

So why don't I fucking feel good?

Because.

2007-04-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

It was a battle of wit, a true sufferers game,
You call me up 'n read me my name,

I tried to explain to you the extent of my pain,
But you robbed me of every right I had to claim,

Now because there is a place for everything.
I have nothing,

My soul has been stolen by your mangled hands,
My heart is too futile to resist your demands,

I am left with the memory so dear,
Of a place that loved and showed no fear.

Learning to Stand

2007-04-30T18:37:00.002-07:00

I feel like I'm walking on a tight rope above the gaping jaws of death, and every time something like this happens, I stumble and have to sit on my bottom for a while, figuring out how to get back up on my feet.

And then there are days, when it feels like no one is going to lend me a hand to my feet.

'n those SUCK.

He Saw

2007-04-30T18:37:00.001-07:00

Scrunch my brain into a little ball and smack it against the wall,
Take me from this dark abyss and out to the great dining hall,
Treat me to your royalty, bless me with your loyalty,
Kiss me sweetly and stay the night.

Dissaproving Romance

2007-04-30T18:36:00.000-07:00

And I took it for love, or at least something beautiful. Out there in the sunlight, what turned around suddenly, squinting, was a misconception indeed.

Grah

2007-04-30T18:35:00.000-07:00

Used and abused I crash as hard as a bird without wings
I dream and dream of the ocean and many pretty things.

Tomorrow my freedom came with slurred speech and vision
It seems I lock myself up in brain killing prison.

Anyone could tell you of love and loves lament
But I'm the only one telling you the tale of bitter sweet torment

Crude and mangled she kissed my smooth porcelain smile
Away we went together up high for a mile

Now we'll start over again with a crash and a burn
I'll wait for you to tell me, come now, it's your turn.

The Crunched Up Munchied Heart That Is Me

2007-04-30T18:34:00.002-07:00

My heart is a broken apple,
Waiting for be chomped on by your forceful lying teeth,
My chest is a bat's cavern,
With thoughts hanging upside down
Spewing baby ideas of rage and jealousy.

I want you to come find me in my hollowed out canoe
I want you to come and hold me, in the rain,
Beneath the stars,
I want you to touch and feel my sores until they heal.

But

While I'm waiting, I'll sit here wishing you would come,
With my hollow empty cavern of a chomped on apple heart.

Brightest Water

2007-04-30T18:34:00.001-07:00

What jumping entity has landed on my pillow tonight?

The wind has held my hand and caressed my tears,

She will touch my soul and wipe away those years.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

2007-04-30T18:32:00.001-07:00

Don't move or blink, we're all part of this prophecy.
Covered in ink, we're all part of the delivery.
Don't stop to think, you'll answer to conspiracy.

Bleed and cry droplets.

Draft for Christine

2007-04-27T21:20:00.000-07:00

You can see the pain in her eyes,
Feel it bubble up and out her insides,

She ripped herself a new life,
Burnt from an old compact disk,

This episode has more anguish, less fire,
See her weak with the famished desire,

Freed herself from the knife,
Bleeding from the run of a risk,

Thought it all better out than in,
Felt the cities loathing sin,

She thinks there's a kinder place,
Somewhere she can show her face,

There's a facade shroud all about her,
Her vision's nothing but a blur,

Sometimes the sight comes,
Sometimes it fades,

She's breathing smoke and flame,
Breathing smoke and pain,

Calculating human resources,
Wondering who the best source is,

Would just go straight to heaven,
Couldn't get in with sins of seven,

Deadly arching heart beats,
Monitored in by the fleets,

She's raising and army to keep herself sane,
Doesn't want to lose at the living game.

Rushing

2007-04-25T19:48:00.000-07:00

The certainty in your nervous words confuses me,

I sit silently, listlessly.

We brush arms, I always try to sit too close.

You've always had this way with words,

And I can't decide how I feel.

You were in my dream, I felt you were whole.

Slithering inside my soul, wriggling in the vast expanse.

Is a soul the world for other beings?

Is a cell the earth for many other things?

Is the whole we live inside suffering, so we shrivel?

Did we ask for this ourselves?

Probably, yes.

I want to lay beside you, beat our hearts in close proximity.

I want to know you, inside and out, feel your doubt.

Motions are everlasting, but incomplete.

Am I really smart? Or am I too silly to look at the whole.

Why am I the puzzle maker?

Cookie cutting shapes, fitting things together,

Trying to build my hole.

'n

2007-04-23T23:14:00.000-07:00

'n so i sit 'n i wait for you.

come 'round, baby come 'round

i've been trying for days, and days.

i've been trying for days, and days.

coulda been a month, coulda been a year,

i loved you long before..

Rant

2007-04-09T22:09:00.001-07:00

• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
ASHOLE
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and you don't even LIKE me.
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
nobody likes me
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
i'm too MANLY
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
too BLUNT
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
too this too that
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
oh but you're so CARING
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and the boys say but you're so COOL
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and i say
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
well im FUCKING LONELY
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
so DO something about it
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
god.
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and no
Keven ~ एवेर्य्थिन्ग् इस् नोथिन्ग् says:
er, well, nobody has said I'm so cool on a long time
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
you don't get to say you don't like me
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
i know you don't
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
already
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
so
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
save yourself from my rage
Keven ~ एवेर्य्थिन्ग् इस् नोथिन्ग् says:
I like you as a friend...
Keven ~ एवेर्य्थिन्ग् इस् नोथिन्ग् says:
I said it because I mean it
Keven ~ एवेर्य्थिन्ग् इस् नोथिन्ग् says:
be rageful or not
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
you and your broken heart
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
pft
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
everyones "hearts" are breaking
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
everyones
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and there isnt a damn thing i can do about it
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
not a damn thing
Keven ~ एवेर्य्थिन्ग् इस् नोथिन्ग् says:
broken hearts only last so long
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
the girls dont like me, they think im a creep
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
theyre confused because they cant figure out which side of the fence im on
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and im sitting here yelling that there is no fucking fence, there never was, there never will be, and there SHOULDNT ever be a fucking fence
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
it isnt about setting shit in stone anymore
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
its not
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
there is no black and white
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
its all shades of grey
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and i try SO hard to sound like im smart
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
to sound like im interesting
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
because i know its the only thing id ever have going for me
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
if anything
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
ill never be the girl sitting at the bar in the red dress beneath the spotlight that the men trip over themselves for
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
im jsut a fucking female
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
holy fucking christ
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
everyones just a fucking female or JUST a male
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
there shouldn't be some big fucking song and dance about it
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
i mean FUC
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
if it has a dick, if it has a vagina, does it really matter? honestly? no
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
but "GOD" tells us things should have four fingers, one thumb, and either male or female genitalia, and that people should have blue, green, hazel, or brown eyes, and we should only have two eyebrows
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and we should be over such and such height
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
GOD FORBID you have a MOLE
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
OH NO
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
let's put YOU under the knife
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
YOU'RE just bloody disguuusting
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
look at youuu
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
you big fat stinker
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
i mean what the fuck is WRONG with evryone?!?!
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
can't you people just fucking lvie?!
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and just fucking living doesnt mean anything NEAR to sitting around on your ass in a tee pee smokin pot 24/7 or trippin out on shrooms and being NATURAL
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
jesus CHRIST
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
just go sit in a tree and grow shit in a field
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
i mean hoyl FUCK
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
what is WRONG with everyone
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
seriously
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
we dont NEED chemicals, cars
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
IM NOT DONE YET
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
STFU
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
but NO
Keven ~ एवेर्य्थिन्ग् इस् नोथिन्ग् says:
I ask myself that lots too... "what the fuck is wrong with everone"
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
our ozone layer is DEPLEEETING
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
whyyy?
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
its OUR fault
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and quit fucking bashing the animals
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
what did they ever do to you?
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
so what, your MOM got eaten by a bear
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
BE HAPPY IT WASNT ONE OF US THAT GOT HER
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
holy FUCK
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
you dont have to go on a rampage and kill for fun
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
man
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
we ALL deserve to die
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and FUCK heaven and hell
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
FUCK the christian/catholic/jewish/athiest BULLSHIT
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
i am so SICK of it
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
the ONLY thing we should have to talk about is LIFE
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
not stupid little things
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
LIFE is not COMPRISED of WHAT SOMEONE IS WEARING
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
OR MOST DEFINATELY NOT WHO THEY SLEPT WITH,. WHO THEYRE GOING OUT WITH
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
AND OMFG
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
JUST GO FUCK SOMEONE
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
IF YOU'RE SO SEXUALLY DEPRIVED THAT YOU HAVE TO SHIT ON EVERYONES SEC LIFE BECAUSE YOU CANT DEAL WITH NOT HAVING ONE
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
OMFG
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
AND STOP GIVING ME THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
JESUS
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
~throws turkey out window~
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
I AM DONE

Sun

2007-04-06T22:57:00.000-07:00

A change of weather is burning holes in my soul. I hold my soul in my hands, desperately hanging on to what is left, only to see my determination, will, and energy slip between my fingers to be absorbed by the earth - or Satan.

Like grains of sand, I watch everything slip away. Starting as stones, they are roughed and beaten to become minuscule representations of the stone who was once whole. I see minuscule representations of myself slipping between my fingers, some good and some bad, falling some thousand minuscule feet to the floor.

I wonder when I will be turned to hot magma and poured into a cast, when the smith is at last satisfied with the purity of the stone that I am, when I am done shedding the minuscule impurities. I wonder when I will become a whole again, and I wonder which part of me he will want - which part of me I will become.

Yeah.

2007-04-06T22:19:00.000-07:00

Hold on, I'm not letting go

This isn't the end, still got seeds to sough

I'll go alone, like I have to

I'll never reach it,

Forget about friends, 'n you

Could I make it?

Only time will tell,

What'll I do?

In this whole I sit and dwell.

Updates

2007-04-03T22:09:00.000-07:00

Soul is sore.

Tired.

M-Bean.

2007-03-27T20:27:00.000-07:00

Now here's a male, encased by others opinions, shedding his shell in front of me.
I'm a smiling belligerent, uncertain but enticed by his security.

His stare, though empty, is sweet and serene,
Like I've stepped into a kind spinsters dream.

The thought that flows from him to me is a steady stream of inspiration,
It's powerful enough to change our entire digi-nation.

I'd like to say it's a pity that I'm not good enough to ever be with him,
But I prefer to dream and wistfully woo his every whim and grin.

Even if someone is breaking inside, in front of him and falling down,
I swear he'd always be there to pick them up from the ground.

But society has taught him otherwise, the expectations of others positively unbearable,
His actions towards others speak loud and clear, it's bloody terrible.

I believe otherwise though, and I'd like to hold hope in my soul for Max,
But then again, I've always been the one lounging around, watching peoples backs.

Heartwork.

2007-03-23T22:22:00.000-07:00

I want to care about people.

I do.

It takes training, though.

And if someone is going to piss on me for shit I've been doing, I can handle that easily. But when they take what I say and internalize it, twist it around, make it their problem, that's when I see the cause for things to end.

Honestly, I've been wanting to kill myself for months.

I stick around for this training shit, so I can be a normal person again.

It's tough.

You should know that.

You have enough shit going on to know how difficult it gets sometimes.

So it's getting a little difficult for you too as of late, what with your grandpa going in for tests, or whatever is going on with that.

If you're so concerned, why don't you leave.

I'm tired of sticking around for people who won't meet me where I want to be.

I can't sit and talk about issues for hours that don't concern me, but if you need an ear I'll give you one.

Don't expect me to be happy with everything you say.

Don't expect me to not hurt you, I'm smart. I'm smart and I'm a coldhearted bitch.

That's what I'm good at, tearing people apart, hurting them. Scratching their souls, even. Some people are hard to crack.

I investigate souls, I want to know the bits of life.

I want to know that there's someone out there who's not just part of the crowd, who's more than an upset and lamenting teenager.

I'm fucking sensitive, if someone looks at me the wrong way I get torn apart.

I don't feel love, I feel hatred.

I hate to be hated, it makes me real.

Just having this conbersation and wondering what comeback you're going to have for it is tearing me apart.

Wondering what my parents think, hurts.

A lot of things are broken, there's no clean up crew for souls.

Things just keep lacerating, and lacerating.

At some point in a lot of peoples lives they want to show people how much they hurt on the outside.

I don't know why humans are so fucked up, but we are.

I try my best to deal with it, I try my best to convince people I'm alright, I don't LIKE being hyper-sensitive and controlling.

It's the only way I know how to feel these days.

I loved, I loved in the summer and all I got was a fistful of hatred shoved back at me.

I've given up on loving, I've given up caring for people. I'll play at it, wish it was there, but find myself incapable of dealing with the consequences, find myself incapable of completing the act.

My Iron Lung

2007-03-20T21:47:00.000-07:00

Strength, fortitude.

All the good in the world spawns from understanding and experience, don't you think?

Quit fucking trying to save me.

2007-03-17T00:24:00.000-07:00

All of you mother fuckers.

Can't you see I'm trying to lead myself to my OWN fucking demise? My lineup is wrong, I don't have the right skills, I never will have friends, I never will have a good job and good money, I doubt I'll ever get around to even leaving the fucking house when I graduate (God knows when that'll be). If I want to go around bashing people, leave me be, everyone gets their shits and giggles somehow. I get mine from making other people feel shitty. Why? Because I know that no one stupid as fuck person on this planet will EVER feel as bad as I do.

No one will EVER feel as fucking SORRY as I do. No one will EVER fucking UNDERSTAND THIS.

So GET THE FUCK OUT.

Opinions on the Unknown

2007-03-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

"Oh, no it's alright" - No it's not fucking alright.
"I'm sorry." - No, you're not.

How do you know what's going on inside everyone elses head? YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

With all this talk about you fretting about not knowing things, you're bugging me

Just let it go. It's just life and living, you don't have to stress yourself out

You take everything at face value, and if someone wants to bitch at you for not knowing what they REALLY meant, tell them to fuck off and say what they mean.

Special

2007-03-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

And you're special, so special to me
Like a sweet, sweet honey bee
You sing sweet scales in me ears,
Ya hug me tight and I forget my fears,

How could I ever want this to go?

Tonight we dine in orchestras,
Composing beyond your voice,
Like a treble and soprano audience,
Standing and clapping and .. Oh my love

Sing to me sweet, my honey honey
I want your honey from the honey tree,
Ah, and the musical excellence is diminishing,
I can hear your faint heart, finishing.

Rage

2007-03-11T21:18:00.000-07:00

I tried, I fucking tried.

I'm hindered in my ability to associate,
Quiet in the way I befriend.

It's my fault I can't fit in here,
My fault I don't have the words to say.

You look so good convulsing on the floor,
Right after I slammed you into the fucking door.

It picks you up and turns you 'round

2007-03-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

She who rages and complains,
She who waxes and wanes,
She who shares thoughts like water,
She that was born a holy daughter,

Unleashed, unyielded, free, and unwielding,

She is the storm in my heart.

Sirens Wailing

2007-03-10T23:29:00.000-08:00

Siren did not hesitate to dismount her steed, and she stood before this man with the reigns in her hand proudly.

"I know nothing of sleep," She hissed, melancholy filling her otherwise serene voice, "You are not one who roams this forest day and night, you are not one who searches eternally for deliverance to the Master of the Skies."

Glowing orange eyes stared at the man through a haze of tangled red hair, curled and bleeding color into the ever-present night on a being who stood easily above 6', seemingly female and beautiful at that.

"Do not tell me of such whims, the elder of this village knows who I am. She knows what I do, and how you all depend on me for your survival. How dare you approach me."

Whole truths, halfway spoken

2007-03-10T00:21:00.000-08:00

My Bike - Kimya Dawson

my bike it is broken sit on it and close my eyes
in my mind go for a ride go for a ride inside my mind
in my mind there's nothing broken arms and hearts and wind and strings
i close my eyes and nothing's broken boughs and promises arrows backs and wings
boughs and promises arrows backs and wings

i wish my brother could always be happy
but because he isn't he is strong just like me
he is what i lean on to keep me from collapsing
everyone's relapsing he's the only crutch i need
the only god i need twins get in for free
h'j'pneji

whole truths halfway spoken footnote 20/20 spies
incarcerate parentheses a 50/50 compromise
in my eyes the truth is spoken lying accidentally
mechanisms defenseless a prepositional prophesy
over under around behind and right in front of me

my bike it is broken sit on it and close my eyes
in my mind go for a ride go for a ride inside my mind
my bike it is broken sit on it and close my eyes
in my mind go for a ride go for a ride inside my mind

i wish my brother could always be happy
but because he isn't he is strong just like me

Girls

2007-03-09T22:17:00.001-08:00

Are fucking stupid, and I hate them all.

I am whole.

How To Describe

2007-03-08T20:58:00.000-08:00

A mess of confusion, you move to spend beside me.

A rocky road, you say you're here with me.

And it doesn't make me uncomfortable, until you ask.

And I start to wonder, if it happens, will it last?

The lights are down, two blushing faces settled beside one another.

I can't keep still, can't help but ponder.

The lights go up,

All is there, and the red, red of our faces glistens in the iridescent light that shines from the ceiling.

I feel O.K.

And I think you did too, because you joked and laughed and coulda said "Poo."

Heh.

We Are Made From

2007-03-07T22:43:00.000-08:00

Glass.

Crystal.

Spheres.

That drop, chip, and mend.

That scream, taste, and bleed.

That love, touch, and smell.

That ponder, wonder, and dream.

But never, ever, break.

Pour

2007-03-07T22:27:00.000-08:00

You pour the solitude of your being into your cereal, like milk.

I pour the soul of my troubles into my toast, it tastes sweeter.

The shards of ice that are my anger melt in my oatmeal, as I pour grief into my tea.

You drip liquid bliss into my eyes, make me see the love the world has yet to offer.

Peaceful Way In Which I Turn

2007-03-06T22:21:00.000-08:00

Perhaps you will come join me in the blissful waters of ignorance and we can float peacefully past our troubled palm trees, and whispering hot springs.

Maybe we will dive into the oceans of doubt, and molest the troublesome jellyfish, scrambling to get our attention beneath the waves.

Or, we could sit on this sidewalk, amongst a young rambunctious crowd, staring at one another, in reckless abandon, unwilling to speak.

Let us drown our sorrow, forget our thoughts, and swim 'till tomorrow's twilight dawns.

Not Even To Type

2007-03-06T16:35:00.000-08:00

I've come to the realization that school is the most energy draining activity anyone could ever participate in. It takes energy to deal with everyone, and it robs you of your sleep.

Fuck.

Wounded

2007-03-04T22:25:00.000-08:00

I would love to lay drunk and stare down your eyelashes.

I would love to grin and pretzel our legs together.

I would, really.

But, to everyone I'm just not "dating material".

I mean, I understand, but I'd like to be given a break at some point, y'know?

To you, I'm not, and never could be, "That girl".

Used.

2007-03-03T23:08:00.000-08:00

I won't bother saying "Never again" because I know that's not honest, and it's improper to mislead people.

At least..

Well, at least I know I'm capable.

Always pick out the positives, so you don't drown yourself.

Mathematical Reasoning

2007-03-02T23:45:00.000-08:00

Mr. Miracle says:
I was going to move.
Mr. Miracle says:
3000 miles away.
Mr. Miracle says:
From everything I know.
Mr. Miracle says:
So maybe..
Mr. Miracle says:
Just for that one second.
Mr. Miracle says:
I would be happy.
Mr. Miracle says:
No paranoia.
Mr. Miracle says:
No anxiety.
Mr. Miracle says:
Just a fucking moment of peace.
Mr. Miracle says:
That's all I wanted.
Mr. Miracle says:
I didn't want to think.
Mr. Miracle says:
My mind is lying to me.
Mr. Miracle says:
There is no peace.
Mr. Miracle says:
There is no love.
Mr. Miracle says:
There's little hope for the other people involved.
Mr. Miracle says:
Dead-ends.
Mr. Miracle says:
Wall after wall after wall.
Mr. Miracle says:
I am x.
Mr. Miracle says:
Peace is y.
Mr. Miracle says:
x-------|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||y
Mr. Miracle says:
I'm making no sense.
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
You are.
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
X only runs into Y once in a lifetime, X runs parallell to all things that are horizontal, and Y runs parallell to all things vertical
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
Corresponding to the common misconceptions of heaven
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
And eternal life
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
You're living an eternal life, a life that is longer than it should be
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
And you can't find y for the life of you.
Mr. Miracle says:
I don't know what happens now.
Mr. Miracle says:
There's nothing more to do.
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
You ran into a line, not y
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
It's a common mistake, mistaking a positive or negative line for the irreplaceable Y.
Mr. Miracle says:
Fucking variables.
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
I know.

Laceration

2007-03-02T16:44:00.000-08:00

Lacerated soul, take a break from this hole.
There isn't a word you could fit in sideways.

Porcelain star, let's escape this bar,
Before your problems seize you.

Oh my, my.

My hey, hey.

Updates.
Lacerated hip.
Wouldn't stop bleeding.
Should have remembered.
Razors always cut deeper than scissors.
I hid my underwear and my shorts in the closet.

Oh my, my,

Hey, hey.

In focus.

This is a Violation

2007-03-01T20:49:00.000-08:00

Arye?

You want to know what I think of you? I think you're fucking weak, I think you're fucking disgusting, I think I fucking hate you, I think you shouldn't fucking hurt yourself this way. Do you want to fucking end up like your sister? DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING END UP LIKE HER? Do you want to fucking end up like me?

"Don't impose your problems upon other people." SARAH, I AM NOT FUCKING IMPOSING, THIS IS ME TRYING TO SHOW I GIVE A FUCKING SHIT ABOUT THESE PEOPLE WHO DO NOTHING FOR ME!

Arye?

You want to know what I think you should do? Go fucking swallow six caps, go fucking puke in some bushes, go fucking throw your life away, you may as well be fucking DEAD TO ME.

David?

You want to know what I think YOU should fucking DO? STOP WALKING AROUND LIKE A FUCKING GHOST, FUCKING TALK TO ME.

You know what you can ALL fucking do?

KEEP YOUR FUCKING OPINIONS TO YOURSELVES, AND FUCKING HELP ME THROUGH THIS.

I DON'T FUCKING CARE THAT YOU DON'T CARE. IF YOU PRETEND TO GIVE A FLYING FUCK, I WILL LOVE YOU.

FUCK YOU!

FUCK.

I AM THE ONLY MOTHER FUCKER ON THIS PLANET THAT FUCKING MATTERS.

Granville Island

2007-03-01T11:22:00.000-08:00

Before we set out on our Granville Island field trip, I wasn't expecting to learn as much as I did while we were there. I figured it would be an unhappy misadventure into the depths of a grumpy Western Coast society. I hadn't realized there was so much involved in the development of the island itself, and so much that I didn't know.
A few things I really enjoyed doing were stepping into the galleries and small shops on the small, twisting streets of the island. I enjoyed how most everything was within walking distance from one part to the other, and for the most part it seemed to be a fairly small island. One place I stepped into was "The Crystal Ark" and as soon as I set foot into the miraculous abyss of crystalline figures, precious stones, and happy people, I remembered that I had once come here when I was young. The lady there told me how I was psychic, and we talked about our pasts while my friends sat in the rock room and relaxed to the soothing ambient sounds that sought out and shook the small establishment.
The island was originally just a few sand bars that Natives used to fish off of, then rapidly transformed into an industrial paradise, and then into the bustling urban artsy-fartsy community it is today. Many of the old factories still stand, proud and tall, amongst the many shops and various other buildings, homes or not.

Why did I write this? This is my project, and I like how it sounds.

In remembrance

2007-02-28T22:01:00.000-08:00

I don't want to remember.

Gruesome Fatality

2007-02-28T21:15:00.000-08:00

And so my beast lays dormant, amongst gruesome fatalities, until the day I summon it to rise, and it consumes me once again.

Wonder where they went?

Them..?

Oh, them. The gremlins living under your bridge of peace and fluency. The gremlins not letting you sleep, those gremlins that chase all the good things away and snatch opportunity from your fingers.

I am grasping at fatality,
Lingering in reality,

Facing my mentality.

I used to lie like a fucking machine.

Why did I start cutting myself?

A few people I knew were doing it. I wanted to beat them, to steal their attention from them. I wanted all of it, fucking all of it. So I cut myself longer, I cut myself deeper, just enough to beat those sons of bitches.

I'm not prepared to answer anything else.

Admit?

Admittance.

Attendance.

Punctuality.

Fucking shit.

The Umbrella

2007-02-28T16:34:00.000-08:00

And it stared out at me, from the depths of the solemn hell that shone from beneath the umbrella where all my emotions lay.

And it started at me, from the depths of the solemn hell that shone from beneath the umbrella where all my emotions lay.

And I stared at it, from the depths of the solemn hell that shone from beneath the umbrella where all my emotions reside.

So It began, from the depths of the solemn hell that shone from beneath the umbrella where all my emotions reside.

I stared at it, it stared at me, and we were the most confused beings on the face of the planet.

After a while, I thought, well..

"Hey, how's it going?" I said, well..

And it said, "Well.. I'm hungry. You never feed me."

Well..

So I said, "I want you to die."

And well..

It said, well.. It said "But I'm a being, just like you, and I need to be fed in order to survive."

And well..

I looked my addiction straight in it's grotesque face, from the depths of the solemn hell that shone from beneath the umbrella where all my emotions lay, and I said..

And I said, well..

"I want you to die."

And well..

Well, it said..

"Hell, woman. How could you ever want me to die?"

And so, well..

I said, "You're hurtin' me bad, hon, you can't live this way and neither can I."

Well..

Heh.

Well, well, well..

It went and said, "Hell, I give you peace, freedom of mind, love, happiness, friends, and.. Why don't you want me anymore?"

Heh.

And well,

Well, I went and said.. Well..

I said.. "I want YOU to DIE."

And you know what?

You wan' know what it did?

It went and died.

Right then, and right thurr.

The Inevitability of Punching Walls

2007-02-27T19:18:00.000-08:00

It's like you know what's coming around that corner, after the hug in the hallway from a drunk friend at school, you know where you're going. You know where you're headed, it's like having a premonition of the worst kind. You just know that knuckles going to feel like it's bursting the fuck open, because you've chipped the bone so many times. You know you're going to wait, on the toilet, for any girls to leave. You know you're going to hit it once with your right hand for the pain, and then with the left, just to practice so you're not weaker on one side then the other.

It's like watching that movie, MADD, on drunk drivers. And then watching the guy on the third screen over roll a joint. It's feeling the taste of oregano turn into the taste of weed in your fucking mouth in cooking class. It's like losing everything you ever fucking fought for. Ever fucking fought for. Ever fucking fought the fuck for.

It's like hearing stories of sniffed pepper, and feeling the burn of cocaine in your fucking nose. It's like tasting the chemical residue of hairspray and wondering what the fuck you just did. It's like you're fucking falling to fucking pieces and no one gives a fucking shit about how what they do affects you.

It's like a fucking chain reaction that you can't fucking stop, and it hurts so fucking bad. It's like you've spent your year bottling everything up inside to try to stop the fucking pain, to try to stop wondering why they look at you, what they say, what they do when you're not there. It's like trying to stay after school just to know everyone's plans, just to know who you can fucking trust.

It's like..

It's like..

It's like...

FUCK!

The Suck

2007-02-26T17:47:00.000-08:00

Keeping track of my thoughts is a most troublesome and difficult task.

Today, I cried. I cried and I cried and I cried.

Compassion, Christ, know it all.

Though they're screaming my name

2007-02-25T22:34:00.000-08:00

You come to look at me, yet you know it’s been too long

You’ve left me alone to fend for myself too many times

I won’t let you attempt to console my fears

I won’t let you wreak havoc in this soul of mine

This is mine, and only mine.

You scream for deliverance, yet sin at the devil’s door

You burn my flesh, and still want more

I won’t let you lick the salt from my skin,

I won’t let you touch where earth caves in

I am my own; this is mine.

This is my epitomy, my grand demise

I can’t be spelt out, by your greedy eyes,

I have nothing to offer, and you rip me away,

This is my last dollar, please, please don’t make me stay.

Hey.

2007-02-25T18:18:00.000-08:00

Peace,

For all those times we tried to off ourselves.

And David,

I love you buddy.

Number Me Blue or Green

2007-02-09T23:14:00.000-08:00

I'm just here to protect myself,
If I seem like I'm not trying,
Just know that inside I'm dying,
To show you the way to the light,
Come with me now, let's take flight,
I am your soul protector,
Your shaman, hannibal lector
Let's not stray from the day,
Let's sit and discuss the fray,
I want to watch the sun rise,
Prepare myself for the day's demise,
Enjoy the peace before chaos sets in,
Ignore the cities loathful din.

Seconds that flew by

2007-02-08T22:10:00.000-08:00

I played pool, I smoked, I drank, I made friends.

I lost them, I lost activity, I smoke.

What will it be next?

A cascade of cravings to topple my tower and throw my face in the dirt?

Strange music to temporarily banish loneliness?

Or, perhaps, solitude.

Solitude..

Oh my friend, why have you weakened your grasp on my reality? You were so protective, so warm, and sweet.

Oh, my one and only love, who knows?

FA

2007-01-01T14:37:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty pissed.
Pretty upset.
Pretty traumatized.

I wish I could live in a bubble.

I don't even know.

It's like I took fifty steps backward.

Like fifty fucking million steps backward.

And I'm back as a liar, a fucking dirty bitch.

I'm going to not tell anyone.

Anyone at all.

I am ghost.

Hear my silence.

Terri m'love

2006-12-23T23:05:00.000-08:00

Can you feast on the real one?

'Cos I want you more than anything.

Compliments for a job well done

2006-12-07T18:52:00.000-08:00

It was the last group session today, and we were asked to write something positive about everyone in attendance. These are the compliments I received:

Sarah:

-Open and insightful
-Willing to let yourself be vulnerable infront of others - This shows strength.
-Strong character, good leadership qualities.
-Concerned about others and a sense of fairness.

Amanda:

I love how you openly speak more mind and don't really seem intimidated by what people think!

I like your funnyness =)

Katerina:

Hey you! You are so awesome! We have had fun haven't we? I just want to let you know I'm always here for you. We'll have tons more fun times together, I'll make sure of it. Lol. I'm here whenever your sad or upset, or if you want someone to listen. I hope things go well for you.
Love ya lots,
Katerina.
PS I like how your maturity, strong will, loving and understand. Goodluck.

Caterina:

I love how you are so expressive and how yo care about everyone here.
Your sooo awsome.

Aisha:

I saved you for last. Not because you are my least favourite, but because you just might be my favourite.I don't know why, but I'm like that. I tend to be drawn to people and things that I don't understand, the unknown. I knew that if I paid close enough attention, I would catch those times when your wall broke down and I'd see you for what you are. Amazingly interesting. I want to say so much more about you, but I don't think I can. I don't why but I do know that you open my eyes to different things. Talking and discussing with you is like finding that one person who gets you and could teach me more. I hope that I see you again. No, I hope I see that smile of yours that is like a window through your wall. I hope so much for you. I hope you know that.

Love ya, Aisha.

Throw it back to you

2006-11-18T23:25:00.000-08:00

I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

Liar, weakling

2006-10-29T17:50:00.000-08:00

I can't tell the difference between what's real and what's not,
This life of mine has taken all I've got,
Where will I be? How will I go?
What will I see? When will I know?

I used to think I had control over my small compromise,
Now it seems that what I had control over led to my demise,
Forgive me if I don't make much sense,
I can't think because my addiction is too dense,

All night forever I dream of my candy slipper,
Skies of the sea and streets changing hue,
Zebra hand bags turning to hair,
Long tendrils grasping the air.

Baggies in both hands and straws in my nose,
Mirrors laying on tables infront of me go,
Suck me dry I want your mind,
Time and time I find that it is their spell I want to bind.

How much longer will I last? These days they've got me thinking of my past,
How did time come to treat me so poorly?
I thought I did fine until I sought the dark orili.

She drew me in with calloused fingers,
I took comfort in that rough embrace,
Seeking anger to cover all my face,
I found I didn't have to deal with what lingered,
Beyond this tormented surface,
You will find a meadow, with elk and birds,
Where nothing murders and nothing hates,
Where there is a lonesome girl,
Who sits on a pedastool among the grass,
And whimpers silently as the sky above her is plagued by rats.

How could someone so harmless.. Come and pluck my harp strings so flawless.. Resonate the soothing sounds against my tormented soul.. Win my heart whom none have seen in years.. Cause me everytime we talk, to collapse in tears.

Is this not what I asked for all these months? A piece of love to hang onto? Perhaps I should have been more specefic in my requests, speaking more of something that would not end with so many pests.

- Christine

PS Tears come to my eyes but I know, I know I will never cry.

My life's ordeal

2006-10-24T23:02:00.000-07:00

Chrissa says:
So what made me change my mind about drugs was this night when I went to a band concert, with no intention of doing anytihng because I had started wrapping my head around the fact I was getting a bit out of control. I met up with my friend Sarah there and LO AND BEHOLD she was on e and she gratefully gave me her other cap for only 5$ 'cos she didn't need both, apparently it was really good e.
Chrissa says:
I wasn't drinking enough water, we were moshing, and I was out of my mind high. But no, I wasn't high enough, I sat down outside the band room to rest for a bit because I was getting worried, there was this guy sitting beside me and he was ripped so he gave me this random free cap. It looked like thge same e I had taken earlier, so instead of taking the whole cap to myself I split it with Sarah '
Chrissa says:
So I popped that, at this point I had had the equivilant of one bottle of water, maybe 600ml, but I was sweating buckets, so I go and mosh some more. Then I start getting really worried, I'm tripping out and I can't control my body anymore, I feel like I have super human strength. I was invincible, beside the fact I was overheating and I didn't know it and I thought I was going to die. I saw some
Chrissa says:
friends from school so I went outside, the bands van was there for sarahs boyfriends van so i go and sit in the back because I have to lie down for some reason (reason being my body was shutting down on me) I start talking, and realize I can't because my jaw is shaking so bad and I'm clenching my teeth so bad it should have hurt like a bitch but I couldn't feel a damn thing.
Chrissa says:
I smoke 6 cigarettes ina row and then the van starts moving, I realize I'm trapped insdie and start freaking out, (the van was simply pulling around the corner of the centre for god knows what reaosn)
Chrissa says:
So I'm starting to realize I'm out of my mind and I really need to get home, this is when I break out of the van, go to the front of the community centre, call my mom (took me a few tries, my hands were shaking so bad and I couldn't focus on the numbers) my friend Sarah's stnading infront of me slapping my face to keep me awake on the phone
Chrissa says:
After what seems like an eternity my mom arrives, almost immediately i tell her i have to go to the hospital. (when i was outside i put my sunglasses on, they fogged up so fast it was impossible), she asks me what I'd done I told her a cap and a half of e, she nearly cries. But knowing my mother, and knowing how strong she is, she gets me to the hostpital
Chrissa says:
There is a guard there as I sit and my mom fills out papers in the emergency room, this is when I start falling asleep and the guard has to come and yell at me, (I couldn't hear him from time to time) all I want to do is sleep, and it seems so tempting.
Chrissa says:
Finally I get a bed at the hospital and I strip down to my undies and put on a gown.
Chrissa says:
Usual questions asked after that, what did you do etc name etc why etc. I had been in that same hospital in September last year because I had tried to kill myself by swallowing 40 anti depressents gorund up in my dads coffee grinder and mixed with water. My parents were at a golf game.
Chrissa says:
They miss my vein for the IV two times before finally getting it in the crook of my arm (most unfortunate, later on in that.. early morning? it was horrible because i couldn't bend my arm) and so begins the process of staying awake, cooling down, and telling my mom everything that has happened
Chrissa says:
and everything that i've been doing behind her back etc, etc.
Chrissa says:
Uhm.. Right, so then I start tripping out because I see this lady with a cat but then it's a handbag.. And then I realize it's just her hair.
Chrissa says:
Later on still.. I'm starting to come to my senses and I must have peed like 46 times >.< An old woman gets wheeled in, having a real emergency, she's suffered a heart attack and she needs immediate medical attention
Chrissa says:
I saw her stop breathing, I heard her heart stop.
Chrissa says:
At school while I was waiting for the bus today, I took a smoke from one of the asian kids, and smoked it, and when I got on the bus (it was heated) I almost freak out because I think the kid's laced his smoke with something and it's my worst nightmare all over again and my moms in sotuh africa and she cant help me and i have to deal with my dad all alone
Chrissa says:
But I manage to realize it's just because I'm wearing a sweater and a relatively thick coat.
Chrissa says:
I get off the bus, walk to touchstone (where sarah is) only to be told that she isn't in the office until thursday, and that either I forgot or she forgot to tell me she wasn't here today.
Chrissa says:
So I wait outside in the freezing cold for my dad for twenty minutes.

Spin me round and rub my eyes

2006-10-11T18:56:00.000-07:00

-School has been good, my mom left for South Africa on Monday. I was really sad about it and considered writing something in here, but I've managed to calm down and accept the fact that she's gone for the week.. My dad and I don't know how to do laundry.. the kitchen is a mess.. and I don't get tea in the morning! Lol. Later-

I'll go b-b-b-backwards.

2006-10-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

-Art class this calm October morning is going well, I'm quite happy with the friends I have made and I will tell you of them in bullet point in the following.-

- Terry, the Montrealer with an old soul and lots to talk about.
- Amanda, whose mother is not to die for but finds happiness despite all she's gone through at the ripe age of 14.

-That's all I can take on my plate for now, yesterday while I was buying some popcorn from the vending machine Joshua came to me, large pupiled and ecstatic, our conversation went something similiar to..
"Hey Christine, (I stare him in the eyes, and take note of his enlarged pupils and happy mood), I guess we're not really friends anymore. (I say no) Well that's okay. I just want you to know, that on October 12th I'm coming clean of everything, cocaine and e, and I'm only going to smoke pot on weekends. (I keep staring blankly at the vending machine, trying to decide what to buy but my head is a mess of thought "Prove it to me", I say) "I love you Christine, I always will." (I turn to him briefly, knowing that it may be drugs talking and not himself, but the words shatter my shield and weaken me. My eyes water and my chin wobbles I don't look at him again and he leaves. Terry appears by my side and her presence strengthens me) "Christine? Are you okay? Christine you're scaring me." She says, and I finish buying my chips and slowly all my sad thoughts diminish into nothing.. We are going to go smoke a cigarette now. This is the third time I've come close to crying in the past week. Being clean is getting harder every day, each day draws me closer to the possibility of picking up a pipe or popping a pill. I can feel them dragging at my soul, tearing at my bones, I am weak.-

See these jagged sleeves

2006-09-27T16:23:00.000-07:00

I managed to pick the wrong colors,
The sad thing is they shone so bright,
I couldn't see the area surrounding me
I couldn't taste the hateful breast,
They weren't right.

You had to learn to handle me with care,
I was a fragile vase you tossed into the air,
You had to learn to talk real smooth
So I wouldn't notice you making the wrong move.

Despite darkened minions trudging beside me,
I learnt to smile and sting like a bee,
I would lure you in and toss you out
Like a rainstorm I came and went in a drought.

I wanted to dry you up and shrivel you inside
I had to watch the clock for my time I had to bide
If I took too long I would soon resist
The charming temptation of your teeth on my wrist.

I wanted to trust your pleaful notions
But soon realized you drew me in with potions
You were a fake, a fraud I say
I couldn't take it any longer and so my wrist I did fray.

Skipping Days Like Rocks On Water

2006-09-26T22:54:00.000-07:00

-Read the best book EVER, title Sabriel, author obstructed by library tag >.> and too lazy to check spine of book-

-Felt better today, although I'm still yelling at everyone. I didn't get enough sleep due to compulsive book reading. Seriously, it was SO good-

-I yelled at my dad ALOT today. I wonder why he's still around. I feel so crummy about it-

-Starting to spend less time on the computer, this is good, perhaps I can spend more time reading and drawing and doing my homework!-

-Leaving to go start another book now, I will write when I feel I should-

-Christine.

Frustrated Parachutes

2006-09-24T19:16:00.000-07:00

-.. And that's all I really have to say about that-

- Christine.

Sore bod, V1

2006-09-23T22:56:00.000-07:00

-Exhibits for Friday and Saturday-

a. The "Manuel Nudge"
b. The "Justin Laugh"
c. The "Drug Dealer"
d. The "No."
e. The question.
f. The trust.
g. Reliability.
h. Run/Cut gym class, I give you the "OW."

-Explanations are as followed.

A. Movies, Manuel kept moving his arm annoyingly on the arm rest and his knee was shaking non stop.
B. Justin laughs ridiculously loud for such a small shy person. I found this intrueging.
C. Kevin Cheng showed up at the movies, I think I ran away.
D. I asked my mom if I could go to Gary Point for the after-party.
E. "May I go to Gary Point? PLEASE"
F. I was really happy I could turst my mom to say no.
G. I was really happy to be able to rely on my mom to make a correct decision.
H. I ran in gym, but I cut through the bushes, so I barely ran a block. But I'm still sore. And tired.

-So, I'm sore, I'm sick, and I'm stressed out.-

- Christine.

Sleeping Syrens

2006-09-23T00:29:00.000-07:00

-Oh boy am I tired. This school week has been rather stressful and I'm glad I have the weekend to get all caught up on my work-

-I went to Mandy's house and jammed, played some starwars, and played some project gothem racing. Also, as a reminder to myself, I listened to a really great song called "Rebel Cry". Somehow she always makes me smile and laugh as if there's no tomorrow. I love having that comfort zone between people, I love witnessing it and even more so playing part in it. Really, it's spectacular-

-I've decided I need to brush up on my writing skills, so tomorrow I'm going to complete my english homework. Excellent. Yay-

-We did the reading to learn test today in English class, I did not appreciate it-

-Time to go to sleep,

- Christine

Commanding Zhou's

2006-09-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

"Even when I thought the day was through,
I couldn't stop my thinking of you."

-So my brain is working over time, has been for a while now. I'm just going to list things that are bothering me and then I may or may not explain them-

Exhibit a. Brianne the "Gib Addict"
Exhibit b. Returning to nightshift to "Infiltrate"
Exhibit c. Returning to smoking habit in "Park Hut"
Exhibit d. Unable to run around fence due to "Disabling Lung Capacity"
Exhibit e. "Brown Guy"'s strange personality and possible drug habits.
Exhibit f. Mishanou the "West-Vancouver Hip-Chick"

-Enough of that for now. I call labelling and naming progress. It's part of assessing and dealing with the situation, and the worries. Thus I can begin to let it go and get some more sleep, getting more sleep means I can return to the real world sometime soon. Hopefully-

-I also happen to be rather sick. Although, I believe that it is more or less my lack of sleep causing this and my recent society-withdrawel symptoms-

- Christine.