M-Bean.

Now here's a male, encased by others opinions, shedding his shell in front of me.
I'm a smiling belligerent, uncertain but enticed by his security.

His stare, though empty, is sweet and serene,
Like I've stepped into a kind spinsters dream.

The thought that flows from him to me is a steady stream of inspiration,
It's powerful enough to change our entire digi-nation.

I'd like to say it's a pity that I'm not good enough to ever be with him,
But I prefer to dream and wistfully woo his every whim and grin.

Even if someone is breaking inside, in front of him and falling down,
I swear he'd always be there to pick them up from the ground.

But society has taught him otherwise, the expectations of others positively unbearable,
His actions towards others speak loud and clear, it's bloody terrible.

I believe otherwise though, and I'd like to hold hope in my soul for Max,
But then again, I've always been the one lounging around, watching peoples backs.

Heartwork.

I want to care about people.

I do.

It takes training, though.

And if someone is going to piss on me for shit I've been doing, I can handle that easily. But when they take what I say and internalize it, twist it around, make it their problem, that's when I see the cause for things to end.

Honestly, I've been wanting to kill myself for months.

I stick around for this training shit, so I can be a normal person again.

It's tough.

You should know that.

You have enough shit going on to know how difficult it gets sometimes.

So it's getting a little difficult for you too as of late, what with your grandpa going in for tests, or whatever is going on with that.

If you're so concerned, why don't you leave.

I'm tired of sticking around for people who won't meet me where I want to be.

I can't sit and talk about issues for hours that don't concern me, but if you need an ear I'll give you one.

Don't expect me to be happy with everything you say.

Don't expect me to not hurt you, I'm smart. I'm smart and I'm a coldhearted bitch.

That's what I'm good at, tearing people apart, hurting them. Scratching their souls, even. Some people are hard to crack.

I investigate souls, I want to know the bits of life.

I want to know that there's someone out there who's not just part of the crowd, who's more than an upset and lamenting teenager.

I'm fucking sensitive, if someone looks at me the wrong way I get torn apart.

I don't feel love, I feel hatred.

I hate to be hated, it makes me real.

Just having this conbersation and wondering what comeback you're going to have for it is tearing me apart.

Wondering what my parents think, hurts.

A lot of things are broken, there's no clean up crew for souls.

Things just keep lacerating, and lacerating.

At some point in a lot of peoples lives they want to show people how much they hurt on the outside.

I don't know why humans are so fucked up, but we are.

I try my best to deal with it, I try my best to convince people I'm alright, I don't LIKE being hyper-sensitive and controlling.

It's the only way I know how to feel these days.

I loved, I loved in the summer and all I got was a fistful of hatred shoved back at me.

I've given up on loving, I've given up caring for people. I'll play at it, wish it was there, but find myself incapable of dealing with the consequences, find myself incapable of completing the act.

My Iron Lung

Strength, fortitude.

All the good in the world spawns from understanding and experience, don't you think?

Quit fucking trying to save me.

All of you mother fuckers.

Can't you see I'm trying to lead myself to my OWN fucking demise? My lineup is wrong, I don't have the right skills, I never will have friends, I never will have a good job and good money, I doubt I'll ever get around to even leaving the fucking house when I graduate (God knows when that'll be). If I want to go around bashing people, leave me be, everyone gets their shits and giggles somehow. I get mine from making other people feel shitty. Why? Because I know that no one stupid as fuck person on this planet will EVER feel as bad as I do.

No one will EVER feel as fucking SORRY as I do. No one will EVER fucking UNDERSTAND THIS.

So GET THE FUCK OUT.

Opinions on the Unknown

"Oh, no it's alright" - No it's not fucking alright.
"I'm sorry." - No, you're not.

How do you know what's going on inside everyone elses head? YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

With all this talk about you fretting about not knowing things, you're bugging me

Just let it go. It's just life and living, you don't have to stress yourself out

You take everything at face value, and if someone wants to bitch at you for not knowing what they REALLY meant, tell them to fuck off and say what they mean.

Special

And you're special, so special to me
Like a sweet, sweet honey bee
You sing sweet scales in me ears,
Ya hug me tight and I forget my fears,


How could I ever want this to go?


Tonight we dine in orchestras,
Composing beyond your voice,
Like a treble and soprano audience,
Standing and clapping and .. Oh my love

Sing to me sweet, my honey honey
I want your honey from the honey tree,
Ah, and the musical excellence is diminishing,
I can hear your faint heart, finishing.

Rage

I tried, I fucking tried.

I'm hindered in my ability to associate,
Quiet in the way I befriend.

It's my fault I can't fit in here,
My fault I don't have the words to say.

You look so good convulsing on the floor,
Right after I slammed you into the fucking door.

It picks you up and turns you 'round

She who rages and complains,
She who waxes and wanes,
She who shares thoughts like water,
She that was born a holy daughter,

Unleashed, unyielded, free, and unwielding,

She is the storm in my heart.

Sirens Wailing

Siren did not hesitate to dismount her steed, and she stood before this man with the reigns in her hand proudly.

"I know nothing of sleep," She hissed, melancholy filling her otherwise serene voice, "You are not one who roams this forest day and night, you are not one who searches eternally for deliverance to the Master of the Skies."

Glowing orange eyes stared at the man through a haze of tangled red hair, curled and bleeding color into the ever-present night on a being who stood easily above 6', seemingly female and beautiful at that.

"Do not tell me of such whims, the elder of this village knows who I am. She knows what I do, and how you all depend on me for your survival. How dare you approach me."

Whole truths, halfway spoken

My Bike - Kimya Dawson

my bike it is broken sit on it and close my eyes
in my mind go for a ride go for a ride inside my mind
in my mind there's nothing broken arms and hearts and wind and strings
i close my eyes and nothing's broken boughs and promises arrows backs and wings
boughs and promises arrows backs and wings

i wish my brother could always be happy
but because he isn't he is strong just like me
he is what i lean on to keep me from collapsing
everyone's relapsing he's the only crutch i need
the only god i need twins get in for free
h'j'pneji

whole truths halfway spoken footnote 20/20 spies
incarcerate parentheses a 50/50 compromise
in my eyes the truth is spoken lying accidentally
mechanisms defenseless a prepositional prophesy
over under around behind and right in front of me

my bike it is broken sit on it and close my eyes
in my mind go for a ride go for a ride inside my mind
my bike it is broken sit on it and close my eyes
in my mind go for a ride go for a ride inside my mind

i wish my brother could always be happy
but because he isn't he is strong just like me

Girls

Are fucking stupid, and I hate them all.

I am whole.

How To Describe

A mess of confusion, you move to spend beside me.

A rocky road, you say you're here with me.

And it doesn't make me uncomfortable, until you ask.

And I start to wonder, if it happens, will it last?

The lights are down, two blushing faces settled beside one another.

I can't keep still, can't help but ponder.

The lights go up,

All is there, and the red, red of our faces glistens in the iridescent light that shines from the ceiling.

I feel O.K.

And I think you did too, because you joked and laughed and coulda said "Poo."

Heh.

We Are Made From

Glass.

Crystal.

Spheres.


That drop, chip, and mend.

That scream, taste, and bleed.

That love, touch, and smell.

That ponder, wonder, and dream.



But never, ever, break.

Pour

You pour the solitude of your being into your cereal, like milk.

I pour the soul of my troubles into my toast, it tastes sweeter.

The shards of ice that are my anger melt in my oatmeal, as I pour grief into my tea.


You drip liquid bliss into my eyes, make me see the love the world has yet to offer.

Peaceful Way In Which I Turn

Perhaps you will come join me in the blissful waters of ignorance and we can float peacefully past our troubled palm trees, and whispering hot springs.

Maybe we will dive into the oceans of doubt, and molest the troublesome jellyfish, scrambling to get our attention beneath the waves.

Or, we could sit on this sidewalk, amongst a young rambunctious crowd, staring at one another, in reckless abandon, unwilling to speak.

Let us drown our sorrow, forget our thoughts, and swim 'till tomorrow's twilight dawns.

Not Even To Type

I've come to the realization that school is the most energy draining activity anyone could ever participate in. It takes energy to deal with everyone, and it robs you of your sleep.

Fuck.

Wounded

I would love to lay drunk and stare down your eyelashes.

I would love to grin and pretzel our legs together.

I would, really.

But, to everyone I'm just not "dating material".

I mean, I understand, but I'd like to be given a break at some point, y'know?

To you, I'm not, and never could be, "That girl".

Used.

I won't bother saying "Never again" because I know that's not honest, and it's improper to mislead people.

At least..

Well, at least I know I'm capable.

Always pick out the positives, so you don't drown yourself.

Mathematical Reasoning

Mr. Miracle says:
I was going to move.
Mr. Miracle says:
3000 miles away.
Mr. Miracle says:
From everything I know.
Mr. Miracle says:
So maybe..
Mr. Miracle says:
Just for that one second.
Mr. Miracle says:
I would be happy.
Mr. Miracle says:
No paranoia.
Mr. Miracle says:
No anxiety.
Mr. Miracle says:
Just a fucking moment of peace.
Mr. Miracle says:
That's all I wanted.
Mr. Miracle says:
I didn't want to think.
Mr. Miracle says:
My mind is lying to me.
Mr. Miracle says:
There is no peace.
Mr. Miracle says:
There is no love.
Mr. Miracle says:
There's little hope for the other people involved.
Mr. Miracle says:
Dead-ends.
Mr. Miracle says:
Wall after wall after wall.
Mr. Miracle says:
I am x.
Mr. Miracle says:
Peace is y.
Mr. Miracle says:
x-------|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||y
Mr. Miracle says:
I'm making no sense.
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
You are.
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
X only runs into Y once in a lifetime, X runs parallell to all things that are horizontal, and Y runs parallell to all things vertical
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
Corresponding to the common misconceptions of heaven
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
And eternal life
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
You're living an eternal life, a life that is longer than it should be
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
And you can't find y for the life of you.
Mr. Miracle says:
I don't know what happens now.
Mr. Miracle says:
There's nothing more to do.
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
You ran into a line, not y
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
It's a common mistake, mistaking a positive or negative line for the irreplaceable Y.
Mr. Miracle says:
Fucking variables.
• - © ƒª. The noose says:
I know.

Laceration

Lacerated soul, take a break from this hole.
There isn't a word you could fit in sideways.

Porcelain star, let's escape this bar,
Before your problems seize you.

Oh my, my.

My hey, hey.

Updates.
Lacerated hip.
Wouldn't stop bleeding.
Should have remembered.
Razors always cut deeper than scissors.
I hid my underwear and my shorts in the closet.

Oh my, my,

Hey, hey.

In focus.

This is a Violation

Arye?

You want to know what I think of you? I think you're fucking weak, I think you're fucking disgusting, I think I fucking hate you, I think you shouldn't fucking hurt yourself this way. Do you want to fucking end up like your sister? DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING END UP LIKE HER? Do you want to fucking end up like me?

"Don't impose your problems upon other people." SARAH, I AM NOT FUCKING IMPOSING, THIS IS ME TRYING TO SHOW I GIVE A FUCKING SHIT ABOUT THESE PEOPLE WHO DO NOTHING FOR ME!

Arye?

You want to know what I think you should do? Go fucking swallow six caps, go fucking puke in some bushes, go fucking throw your life away, you may as well be fucking DEAD TO ME.

David?

You want to know what I think YOU should fucking DO? STOP WALKING AROUND LIKE A FUCKING GHOST, FUCKING TALK TO ME.

You know what you can ALL fucking do?

KEEP YOUR FUCKING OPINIONS TO YOURSELVES, AND FUCKING HELP ME THROUGH THIS.

I DON'T FUCKING CARE THAT YOU DON'T CARE. IF YOU PRETEND TO GIVE A FLYING FUCK, I WILL LOVE YOU.

FUCK YOU!

FUCK.

I AM THE ONLY MOTHER FUCKER ON THIS PLANET THAT FUCKING MATTERS.

Granville Island

Before we set out on our Granville Island field trip, I wasn't expecting to learn as much as I did while we were there. I figured it would be an unhappy misadventure into the depths of a grumpy Western Coast society. I hadn't realized there was so much involved in the development of the island itself, and so much that I didn't know.
A few things I really enjoyed doing were stepping into the galleries and small shops on the small, twisting streets of the island. I enjoyed how most everything was within walking distance from one part to the other, and for the most part it seemed to be a fairly small island. One place I stepped into was "The Crystal Ark" and as soon as I set foot into the miraculous abyss of crystalline figures, precious stones, and happy people, I remembered that I had once come here when I was young. The lady there told me how I was psychic, and we talked about our pasts while my friends sat in the rock room and relaxed to the soothing ambient sounds that sought out and shook the small establishment.
The island was originally just a few sand bars that Natives used to fish off of, then rapidly transformed into an industrial paradise, and then into the bustling urban artsy-fartsy community it is today. Many of the old factories still stand, proud and tall, amongst the many shops and various other buildings, homes or not.

Why did I write this? This is my project, and I like how it sounds.