Because.

It was a battle of wit, a true sufferers game,
You call me up 'n read me my name,

I tried to explain to you the extent of my pain,
But you robbed me of every right I had to claim,

Now because there is a place for everything.
I have nothing,

My soul has been stolen by your mangled hands,
My heart is too futile to resist your demands,

I am left with the memory so dear,
Of a place that loved and showed no fear.

Learning to Stand

I feel like I'm walking on a tight rope above the gaping jaws of death, and every time something like this happens, I stumble and have to sit on my bottom for a while, figuring out how to get back up on my feet.

And then there are days, when it feels like no one is going to lend me a hand to my feet.


'n those SUCK.

He Saw

Scrunch my brain into a little ball and smack it against the wall,
Take me from this dark abyss and out to the great dining hall,
Treat me to your royalty, bless me with your loyalty,
Kiss me sweetly and stay the night.

Dissaproving Romance

And I took it for love, or at least something beautiful. Out there in the sunlight, what turned around suddenly, squinting, was a misconception indeed.

Grah

Used and abused I crash as hard as a bird without wings
I dream and dream of the ocean and many pretty things.

Tomorrow my freedom came with slurred speech and vision
It seems I lock myself up in brain killing prison.

Anyone could tell you of love and loves lament
But I'm the only one telling you the tale of bitter sweet torment

Crude and mangled she kissed my smooth porcelain smile
Away we went together up high for a mile

Now we'll start over again with a crash and a burn
I'll wait for you to tell me, come now, it's your turn.

The Crunched Up Munchied Heart That Is Me

My heart is a broken apple,
Waiting for be chomped on by your forceful lying teeth,
My chest is a bat's cavern,
With thoughts hanging upside down
Spewing baby ideas of rage and jealousy.


I want you to come find me in my hollowed out canoe
I want you to come and hold me, in the rain,
Beneath the stars,
I want you to touch and feel my sores until they heal.

But

While I'm waiting, I'll sit here wishing you would come,
With my hollow empty cavern of a chomped on apple heart.

Brightest Water

What jumping entity has landed on my pillow tonight?

The wind has held my hand and caressed my tears,

She will touch my soul and wipe away those years.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Don't move or blink, we're all part of this prophecy.
Covered in ink, we're all part of the delivery.
Don't stop to think, you'll answer to conspiracy.

Bleed and cry droplets.

Draft for Christine

You can see the pain in her eyes,
Feel it bubble up and out her insides,

She ripped herself a new life,
Burnt from an old compact disk,

This episode has more anguish, less fire,
See her weak with the famished desire,

Freed herself from the knife,
Bleeding from the run of a risk,

Thought it all better out than in,
Felt the cities loathing sin,

She thinks there's a kinder place,
Somewhere she can show her face,

There's a facade shroud all about her,
Her vision's nothing but a blur,

Sometimes the sight comes,
Sometimes it fades,

She's breathing smoke and flame,
Breathing smoke and pain,

Calculating human resources,
Wondering who the best source is,

Would just go straight to heaven,
Couldn't get in with sins of seven,

Deadly arching heart beats,
Monitored in by the fleets,

She's raising and army to keep herself sane,
Doesn't want to lose at the living game.

Rushing

The certainty in your nervous words confuses me,

I sit silently, listlessly.

We brush arms, I always try to sit too close.

You've always had this way with words,

And I can't decide how I feel.

You were in my dream, I felt you were whole.

Slithering inside my soul, wriggling in the vast expanse.

Is a soul the world for other beings?

Is a cell the earth for many other things?

Is the whole we live inside suffering, so we shrivel?

Did we ask for this ourselves?

Probably, yes.

I want to lay beside you, beat our hearts in close proximity.

I want to know you, inside and out, feel your doubt.

Motions are everlasting, but incomplete.

Am I really smart? Or am I too silly to look at the whole.

Why am I the puzzle maker?

Cookie cutting shapes, fitting things together,

Trying to build my hole.

'n

'n so i sit 'n i wait for you.

come 'round, baby come 'round


i've been trying for days, and days.

i've been trying for days, and days.

coulda been a month, coulda been a year,

i loved you long before..

Rant

• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
ASHOLE
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and you don't even LIKE me.
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
nobody likes me
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
i'm too MANLY
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
too BLUNT
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
too this too that
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
oh but you're so CARING
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and the boys say but you're so COOL
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and i say
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
well im FUCKING LONELY
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
so DO something about it
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
god.
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and no
Keven ~ एवेर्य्थिन्ग् इस् नोथिन्ग् says:
er, well, nobody has said I'm so cool on a long time
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
you don't get to say you don't like me
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
i know you don't
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
already
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
so
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
save yourself from my rage
Keven ~ एवेर्य्थिन्ग् इस् नोथिन्ग् says:
I like you as a friend...
Keven ~ एवेर्य्थिन्ग् इस् नोथिन्ग् says:
I said it because I mean it
Keven ~ एवेर्य्थिन्ग् इस् नोथिन्ग् says:
be rageful or not
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
you and your broken heart
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
pft
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
everyones "hearts" are breaking
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
everyones
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and there isnt a damn thing i can do about it
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
not a damn thing
Keven ~ एवेर्य्थिन्ग् इस् नोथिन्ग् says:
broken hearts only last so long
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
the girls dont like me, they think im a creep
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
theyre confused because they cant figure out which side of the fence im on
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and im sitting here yelling that there is no fucking fence, there never was, there never will be, and there SHOULDNT ever be a fucking fence
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
it isnt about setting shit in stone anymore
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
its not
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
there is no black and white
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
its all shades of grey
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and i try SO hard to sound like im smart
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
to sound like im interesting
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
because i know its the only thing id ever have going for me
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
if anything
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
ill never be the girl sitting at the bar in the red dress beneath the spotlight that the men trip over themselves for
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
im jsut a fucking female
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
holy fucking christ
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
everyones just a fucking female or JUST a male
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
there shouldn't be some big fucking song and dance about it
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
i mean FUC
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
if it has a dick, if it has a vagina, does it really matter? honestly? no
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
but "GOD" tells us things should have four fingers, one thumb, and either male or female genitalia, and that people should have blue, green, hazel, or brown eyes, and we should only have two eyebrows
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and we should be over such and such height
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
GOD FORBID you have a MOLE
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
OH NO
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
let's put YOU under the knife
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
YOU'RE just bloody disguuusting
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
look at youuu
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
you big fat stinker
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
i mean what the fuck is WRONG with evryone?!?!
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
can't you people just fucking lvie?!
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and just fucking living doesnt mean anything NEAR to sitting around on your ass in a tee pee smokin pot 24/7 or trippin out on shrooms and being NATURAL
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
jesus CHRIST
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
just go sit in a tree and grow shit in a field
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
i mean hoyl FUCK
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
what is WRONG with everyone
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
seriously
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
we dont NEED chemicals, cars
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
IM NOT DONE YET
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
STFU
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
but NO
Keven ~ एवेर्य्थिन्ग् इस् नोथिन्ग् says:
I ask myself that lots too... "what the fuck is wrong with everone"
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
our ozone layer is DEPLEEETING
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
whyyy?
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
its OUR fault
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and quit fucking bashing the animals
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
what did they ever do to you?
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
so what, your MOM got eaten by a bear
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
BE HAPPY IT WASNT ONE OF US THAT GOT HER
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
holy FUCK
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
you dont have to go on a rampage and kill for fun
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
man
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
we ALL deserve to die
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
and FUCK heaven and hell
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
FUCK the christian/catholic/jewish/athiest BULLSHIT
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
i am so SICK of it
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
the ONLY thing we should have to talk about is LIFE
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
not stupid little things
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
LIFE is not COMPRISED of WHAT SOMEONE IS WEARING
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
OR MOST DEFINATELY NOT WHO THEY SLEPT WITH,. WHO THEYRE GOING OUT WITH
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
AND OMFG
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
JUST GO FUCK SOMEONE
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
IF YOU'RE SO SEXUALLY DEPRIVED THAT YOU HAVE TO SHIT ON EVERYONES SEC LIFE BECAUSE YOU CANT DEAL WITH NOT HAVING ONE
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
OMFG
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
AND STOP GIVING ME THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
JESUS
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
~throws turkey out window~
• · . Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are all cut with our own dust. says:
I AM DONE

Sun

A change of weather is burning holes in my soul. I hold my soul in my hands, desperately hanging on to what is left, only to see my determination, will, and energy slip between my fingers to be absorbed by the earth - or Satan.

Like grains of sand, I watch everything slip away. Starting as stones, they are roughed and beaten to become minuscule representations of the stone who was once whole. I see minuscule representations of myself slipping between my fingers, some good and some bad, falling some thousand minuscule feet to the floor.

I wonder when I will be turned to hot magma and poured into a cast, when the smith is at last satisfied with the purity of the stone that I am, when I am done shedding the minuscule impurities. I wonder when I will become a whole again, and I wonder which part of me he will want - which part of me I will become.

Yeah.

Hold on, I'm not letting go

This isn't the end, still got seeds to sough

I'll go alone, like I have to

I'll never reach it,

Forget about friends, 'n you

Could I make it?

Only time will tell,

What'll I do?

In this whole I sit and dwell.

Updates

Soul is sore.

Tired.